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Not Fade Away

Angel the Series Season 5 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Crossover RPG

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Two wrongs don't make it all alright [Tuesday
October 11,2005 12:24 am

[ mood | guilty ]

It had happened again. I'd told myself that I would be more careful after last year. It had been under controlled circumstances, but still things happened. This time? I might've not killed anyone, but from the way everyone looked at me and the fact that I hadn't seen Buffy in over a day wasn't my idea of a 'good plan'. That night.. we'd both wanted each other so badly. Neither of us caring what the consequences were. Simply taking Willow's ability to push my soul back inside of me for granted. But there was one problem. I wished that I could say that if we were to relive the situation over again that I'd think with my head. That I'd know the consequences would be painful and wouldn't turn out for the best. Every time that Angelus has been unleashed? Nothing good has come of it. If I were to relive the situation though? I think I knew that I wouldn't do a single thing different.

Now that it was all over and done with I wasn't sure where to place myself. I hadn't been able to find Buffy anywhere and I was starting to worry. I couldn't imagine that she'd skip town, but a big part of me wouldn't blame her. Though I was pretty sure she hadn't. I'd know.

Things were going to be different. That was a fact was certain. It never really was though whenever I let the beast come out to play, was it? Not back in Sunnydale, not last year when we thought we were doing the right thing, and not now. My relationship with Buffy that had been so solid, or at least as solid as we could be, was more than a little shaky right now. Not seeing her and not being able to talk to her about all that happened worried me. I needed to know what she felt about the situation and most importantly what she saw in the future. If I had to.. no, I'm not sure if I could leave or watch her leave again. Besides, look where the two of us ended up anyway? Right back where we started.

I sat in my office now after coming down from the penthouse with Wes, Cordy, Faith, and Riley. I felt as if all of them were disappointed in me as they probably should be. I knew full well the consequences of my actions as proved by the handcuffs I was found wearing just after. Riley looked at me in disgust but then again that was nothing new. Faith seemed angry. Wes and Cordy? Well, they'd seen my darker side before and I knew they'd be both feeling both the anger and disgust.

The talk and questions were coming. I knew that the moment my soul was restored. From the looks I was getting I almost felt the need to excuse myself and wait to do this later, but really? I just wanted to get through it now and find some possible way to apologize and work on smoothing things out with everyone including Buffy. Might as well start here.

[Open to Wes, Cordy, Faith, Riley?]

2 hero(es) :+: never give up

Questions... [Sunday
October 9,2005 10:12 pm

[ mood | curious ]

The wolf, ram and hart seemed different on this day. There was something in this place, something that hadn't been here before, but it had some familiarity to it at the same time. As I walked the halls, much like a ghost, no one seemed to notice me anymore. There was talk, as always, of death, of secrets, of things that the humans here wanted to keep secret. So I walked... and I listened, and none even noticed I was there. Ever since my power had been depleted, everyone seemed to see me as their equal and the thought bothered me beyond belief. My name no longer carried the power it once had. No being trembled at my feet, nor cared much to see me as a friend or foe. My time as a god had truly come to an end...

It was not supposed to be this way. My arrival. I was supposed to rule the world; I was supposed to be obsolete. I was supposed to rule this world once again... yet the world had also changed. It was not foul thing it had once been. It was no longer the dirt at my feet; humans were no longer the muck that sprang from the depths of the earth. They had shape, they had form and they were the dominant species in this world. How that had come about, I couldn't begin to comprehend. They were still weak, lacking in strength, and stamina. But their minds... their minds had evolved. They had evolved from single celled organisms into these complex microbes that filled the earth that was once ruled by gods.

They were like roaches, multiplying to infinitum, destroying everything in their path for the sake of knowledge and pride.

And now, I was trapped, trapped in their world, trapped in a shell, trapped with feelings and memories that did not belong to me and yet remained craved into my being and attached so deep that at times I couldn't quite grasp who I really was anymore. I had become weak as they were. My powers greatly depleted, as well as the stability of the shell that housed my essence. The skin, it had softened considerably, it could be broken, it could... feel and as much as I abhorred the though, it also intrigued me.

There no where else for me to go. I was a prisoner here. If I escaped to other worlds, seeked out old alliances, they would see me- not as Illyria, the great, the powerful, the king of the primordial. No, they would see me as and insect, a lower being... and I would be destroyed once again, only this time there would be no return from the depths of slumber.

Spike had found my predicament amusing, and it irritated me, but- he had offered his guidance to me. He had offered to show me the things that I needed to know in order to assimilate better to this strange place. I found him irritating at times, however, he also intrigued me. Perhaps it had been because he had never feared me. Even when I could have turned him to dust with just one blow, he never feared. I found that... intriguing.

I had not been prepared for the array of emotions that followed out encounter in the training room. And I would have never believed that I would have found such pleasure in a being that was so beneath me still. These human emotions were quite disturbing but they needed to be addressed nonetheless.

[Open to Spike]

3 hero(es) :+: never give up

Looking for some peace of mind... [Wednesday
September 21,2005 10:27 pm

[ mood | embarrassed ]

This was something that I needed. Last night I had done a lot of things, things that I weren’t particularly proud of, but also things that I wasn’t about to take back. I guess getting out of Wolfram and Hart was something that was needed from Willow, Xander, and me at the same time. It’s something else when it’s like you jump right back into the fray again. I couldn’t imagine how Angel could do it every day. Maybe it was just because for so long I had been in Rome with Dawn and Andrew living the life that I had dreamed about for the ladder part of my time being a slayer.

I can’t sat that I didn’t feel particularly bad about leaving Angel. I really did, I mean, I just left. It would have been different if I had let him know about it. But, I didn’t, and I probably stirred up some worries that really didn’t need to be there. Everything had happened so quickly, and I freaked. Sometimes I wonder about myself, maybe I either need more hits to the head, or maybe a little less.

I thought, that after a whole night of junk food and comfort, I needed to go back and face my fate. The anger from half the population in Wolfram and Hart? Well, the half that were good. The other half were probably jumping for joy at the sight of Angelus, or the potential of him running instead of being run by a soul. Of course, to make things more complicated, I didn’t know which ones were which. I didn’t know who to trust in there except for the few that had been with Angel from the beginning. The rest? I was trying to use my best judgments….and by recent events, some would conclude that they aren’t exactly on track as they should be.

I knew how Willow and Xander felt about this. Especially Xander. I knew that he didn’t say anything, and I knew why too. A few years ago, he would have called me out on it, and he would have been right to. But now, it was just harder. I realized this when we all hung out at Willows last night. We all grew, and I wish I could have said it was for the better. Despite our promises to one another, we really did grow apart. We in fact grew so far apart, that we could barely look each other straight in the eyes, and see almost a mere reflection of ourselves anymore. I knew that Xander wasn’t happy about what he heard. He didn’t say anything though, because I think he was insecure about what his place in my life was anymore. Or maybe it was something that he was hiding. I’ll be damned if I knew. I wasn’t going to press it, because I felt the same way. One thing was for sure, and that was as soon as things cooled down, and calmed down, I was going to rekindle everything with Will and Xander, because there was no way that I could do this without them, and especially without their 100 percent.

The ride down to Wolfram and Hart was so quiet, I could hear my own heartbeat. Xander had left to talk to his girlfriend, who I had yet to meet, so it was just Willow and I on our way back to the firm. No one really wanted to go back to the law firm, that was a given. It was just so hard to get used to all the grey areas that were involved. Who to kill, who not to kill. The why’s and the when’s. If anyone understood about the grey areas, it was me. Even I thought that the amount of grey was a little bit overpowering. I know that Angel felt the same way, and I knew he was frustrated. Especially since we both knew that there was nothing that we could do about it. At least not now, especially not now. Too many things had happened already.

Willow parked and we walked through the huge doors that symbolized a trap, filled with busy people, and with every person, followed a stare. A stare that made my spine tingle. I didn’t know what the feeling was. Anger? Embarrassment? Probably a little bit of both. It made me wonder how many people actually did know about Angel and I. It would have had a bigger effect on me if I wasn’t so worried about inevitably talking with Giles, and about confrontations that led to questions, and talks from 2 party sides.

We hadn’t been in the building for 2 minutes, and already I wanted to walk back out. Yeah, this place was going to take some getting used to, even if the man that I loved was the CEO. I was more of a field person anyway. Offices just didn’t appeal to me anyway. Maybe there was something that I could do out in the field. Maybe they needed a few demons killed, or something. Maybe I could…No, I had to face this. Because this was OUR doing. This wasn’t going to be pinned on just Angel. After all, we all know the slogan.

Speaking of grey. Angel and I. That was rather grey. Greyer than I would have liked. I was firm on my belief. I wasn’t sorry. But it wasn’t right. So I had to face Giles, and everyone else that was in this building, as well as myself. There was no way in hell this was possibly going to be a quick ‘done and over with’ conversation.

I took a deep breath, and couldn’t feel the air escape my lungs. I looked at Willow, then at all the stares that were still among us. It was like a heavy blanket on a hot day.

“I don’t know about you, but everyone in this lobby are completely wigging me out.”


4 hero(es) :+: never give up

September 20,2005 12:28 pm

[ mood | contemplative ]

So Dawn's set for school and I can't get her out of my brain. She left to go to Wolfram and Hart to find her sister and ever since, I've been thinking about her no matter what else I try to do. My classes have been one big blur since we parted a few hours ago. I'm going to have to borrow notes from people. I tried to take notes and pay attention, but they don't seem to make much sense, and at some point I had started writing her name. What am I, in junior high? I quickly went back to writing notes, hoping that no one saw me writing her name in my notebook.

My thoughts drifted back to her before long, though. Dawn, such a pretty name for a pretty girl. And we have so much in common. I mean, we both are from the oddest of familites, my dad a vampire and her sister a slayer. And even weirder, my dad used to date her sister. We're both only a few years old human wise, me being raised in a hell dimension and her a ball of energy until Buffy's blood was added and she was made into Buffy's sister. In a way it's like I'm technically dating Buffy, and that would just be really weird, so I'm not going to think of it that way.

Anyway, it's like we understand each other and she's so sweet and easy to talk to. I wanted to ask her out, but earlier I was a big chicken and didn't. I don't know why, maybe I was too floored with how much we have in common and thought it was too good to be true. Or maybe I just got tongue tied around a cute girl that seemed to be interested in me. I almost missed it when the professor let me class go early because he had a meeting he had to run to.

As I walked back to my room, I decided maybe I could go to Wolfram and Hart and find her. Now that I had time, maybe we could go out for coffee or dinner or something. And I could meet her sister, see how Buffy is in person. Maybe I could say hi to my dad too, if he's around. I haven't talked to him in awhile, but as far as know, he's been doing alright. Trouble seems to follow right behind him a majority of the time, and working for a place like Wolfram and Hart surely doesn't help, but he seems to stay afloat no matter what. It's pretty inspiring.

I walked to my car, thinking maybe I could bring her flowers and chocolate too, but then that might be way too corny before we're even dating, if we date. I have to ask her first if I can get over my nervousness. I headed over to Wolfram and Hart, parked my car, and headed into the place. It's pretty big, so I have no idea how I'm going to find her, but, I'm sure I will find her. I just hope she doesn't mind me showing up here like this. I can just tell her I'm visiting dad and thought I'd stop by and say hi to her too. That will work.

[Open to the pretty girl named Dawn]

4 hero(es) :+: never give up

September 20,2005 10:57 am

[ mood | worried ]

I look at my watch again. Where is he? Geez, he left the room to get ice hours ago. I can't believe he's not back. He's smart enough not to lose his way, I know that much. I'm worried. He'd never just leave and not tell me he won't be back for a few hours. He knows I'd kick his ass for that. I get up, and think maybe I should go look for him. He's got so much on his mind, maybe he just forget to let me know he was going out.

I head out, weapons hidden on my body. I search the entire hotel and there's no sign of him. His car is still in the parking lot. And even more disturbingly, I found a mostly empty ice bucket by the ice machine. There were no other signs of a struggle. How odd and creepy. But, that could be anyone's ice bucket. Right, keep telling yourself that, Jackie. I whipped out my cellphone and tried to call him. I got his voicemail and left him a message.

I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Stop it. He's a damn good watcher and he can take good care of himself. He wouldn't just leave me. Not like the rest of the men in my short life. He's different. He wouldn't fucking do this to me. He loves me like a daughter, at least that what's I thought. No, I know he does. Michael, where are you? Come back to me, please. I go to my room, just in the off chance that he might be there. I try to call him again, voicemail again, another message left.

I try not to cry. Stop it, Jackie, he'll show up any minute now. He's dedicated to the plan, remember how he wanted to get right back to it after a good patrol tonight? He wouldn't just walk out and give up on the plan. He'd never ever do that. I just don't know what to do. I don't trust the police, and if Wolfram and Hart has anything to with this...I bet they do. Maybe they kidnapped him and are torturing him! What can I do? I can't just walk in an evil place like that. blow my cover and demand to know where he is.

I decided to call Xander. He knows that place better than I do, and just maybe he knows what happened to Michael. Okay, probably not, but still, he's the only one there I have a number for besides, Giles, and I'm not putting him into any more trouble. I dial Xander's number. I just hope he answers...

[Open to Xander]

17 hero(es) :+: never give up

Be Prepared [Monday
September 19,2005 8:15 pm

[ mood | annoyed ]

Things were beginning to get completely out of hand in Los Angeles and the partners were beginning to lose their patience with all the parties involved. I was not happy that Lindsey had been discovered, not happy about the way that Wesley had handled things with Mr. Giles and his associates. The Los Angeles firm was becoming some what of a circus act and the happenings around the office had become a cause of great concern for other firms across the globe. Our name and our reputation was becoming less than what it should be, and it was about time things got back to the way they were supposed to be.

And the only way that these things were going to work were if I stopped letting unqualified personnel handle things and take care of everything myself, which is what I should have done from the beginning. I wasn't fond of L.A; I much preferred the comforts of New York City. But, the partners wanted this matter resolved as soon as possible, and they wanted no more mistakes.

On the jet, I placed several calls; one of them was to Cyvus Vail. He was one of our top contractors and one of our best clients as well. He had done one of his best work when he changed the memories of Angel's son, and that of his colleagues, and the partners had been quite impressed by him. I briefly discussed the issue at hand with him, making sure that he understood exactly what it was that we were asking him to do. It was a big job and but I was sure the old man... or- demon could handle it. He assured me that he would have everything ready by the time I landed in Los Angeles, all I needed now, was someone who knew the L.A branch from the inside out.

Once I landed in L.A, it will all be a matter of mere minutes before everyone's memories in the L.A branch would be altered. And I did mean everyone, from the C.E.O down to the janitors that worked for us. Still there were a few that would still remember things. I had made sure my secretary contacted Mr. Lindsey McDonald as well as Ms. Cordelia Chase to alert them of my arrival and to let them know what the plan was. I would have included Mr. Wyndam-Pryce in all of this, but he seemed increasingly unstable. A pity really, but it for the best. His loyalties were always questionable, especially after the death of Miss Winifred Burkle, and as much as we needed someone like him on our side, he was becoming a threat to our plans. No matter, an easy fix... for now, until we figured out something more permanent... for every one.

Not much after my conversation with Vail, I arrived at Wolfram and Hart's private airport. I was not quiet enthused about being there but I planned on making my stay as productive as possible. In less than an hour, everyone in Wolfram and Hart was going to have a little memory jolt.

[Open to Lindsey]

never give up

Fangs just aren't my th-ang. [Thursday
August 25,2005 10:39 pm

I felt this twitch as I watched Angel bare his fangs and then it slowly traveled to my hands. I was cracking my fingers, one by one as I watched and could feel myself losing control.

"The only thing that I know is what I have seen, and you can beat me or bite me all that you want, but I can't tell you what I don't know. Do you want me to lie to you?"

All I could see was Angel and this redness around him. Before I knew it, I pushed Lindsey out of the way and had Angel on the ground, pinned. I started punching him, not with strength, but with anger. Tears. I broke down and laid on top of him, wanting to just hurt him yet I couldn't. I knew it wasn't his fault, which hurt me a lot.

"I'm- I'm sorry." I whispered as I got up and wiped my eyes. I sighed deeply and then faced Lindsey and Angel. I felt horrible for what just happened, but whatever. If you got bottled anger, it's goin' to come out sooner or later!

{{Open to Angel and Lindsey!}}
never give up

Holding our own before a break in. [Tuesday
August 23,2005 8:20 pm

[ mood | investigatory ]

Cordy and I had seen the strange couple, well, in the words of Xander, the father and son duo, back at Wolfram and Hart and had decided to follow them to their dwellings, knowing, well virtually one-hundred percent, knowing, that they were both linked to Giles.

The signs couldn't hae been anymore clear. Firstly, Cordy, when going to investigate if Gils had stayed in his bed all day, thus not allowing him to get up and pilfer my templates, had not only noticed that Gils had been gone for a few hours from his room, while she looked at the security cameras, but had also ntoiced that these two that we were now following had taken a meeting somewhere with Giles and Xander.

We didn't have audio of that meeting, which was an unfortunate pity at the moment, but it was proof, that I called Giles on in front of Angel, which nearly led to us coming to blows until Cordy had glowed on us.

As if we needed further proof, after Xander had told all of us that the meeting had occurred because the girl was his girlfriend and the man, was his girlfriend's father, we then saw Giles and Xander again gathered with them in the hall, and while that didn't definitively disprove Xander's lie, it was rather interesting that the girl spoke American English and that the man had an accent, very much British, like mine.

We followed them out of Wolfram and Hart and all of the way throug the city to their Beverly Ambassador hotel room, where I was very much betting that my templates where, nd was also one of the places that Giles had gone to while he was off on one of his several jaunts out of the infirmary room earlier in the day.

Those weren't my only suspicions. Being very familir with how the Council worked and knowing that there were as many as twenty slayers, minimum active in the world right now, that he was a watcher and more importantly, that she was a slayer and that Giles was bringing his Council into our offices for infiltration, which filled me with an anger akin to that of seeing Fred gutted by Illyria.

Cordy posed the question of what we were going to do while we waited for them to leave their room, so that we could break in, get my templates and prove Giles a liar, but I was forthright in my desires here, and nothing was going to stop me, short of the slayer, whoever she was, seeing us and putting us both down, and using my pistol wasn't out of the question if we were spotted.

"We wait, Cordy, we circle the halls until Mr. Watcher and Ms, Slayer leave the room. That's what we do."

[Open for Cordy]

7 hero(es) :+: never give up

August 22,2005 6:04 am

[ mood | calm ]

I was shocked when my phone rang, I was with the only person that I thought had the number, the fact that Willow had it escaped me. It probably has to do with the fact that I thought that Willow would never talk to me again, much less Buffy. I mean I havent been the bestest of best friends lately, not that I think I was wrong, but I have this problem of just not trusting the dead soul twins, soul or no soul, they can't be trusted.

If there was ever proof that they couldn't be trusted, just look at where we are and the way things have been handled since we got here. So far Buffy and Faith have gone to a hell dimension, Willow has used magicks that she shouldn't have, Spike somehow got Willow into bed and then ditched her when she was no longer useful, Giles has ended up sick, and we have all been questioned about books that if it were found out that we took them all hell would break loose. Yeah, they are doing real good here lemme tell ya.

At the same time none of that seemed to matter when I heard Buffy's voice on the phone. "Xander it's Buffy." I heard on the phone and suddenly nothing that had happened in the last weeks mattered. All I wanted to do now as hang out like we used to, I didn't know why they called, but I knew what I wanted. "Hey Buffy" I said softly finally responding and pulling myself out of my thoughts. "Where are you?" I asked.

I continued to talk as I left the building, Giles went off on his way saying we needed to split up for some reason or other, saying it was probably better if we did. I didn't ask any questions, I wanted out of the evil empire faster than a frog on a hotplate, oh but I better be sure not to mention frogs around Willow..most powerful witch in the world and she is scared of little green frogs, never got that...but that isn't the point is it?

[[open for Buffy and Willow]]

1 hero(es) :+: never give up

Back to where we started. [Sunday
August 21,2005 4:26 pm

[ mood | curious ]

Riley and I, on the search for this elusive and yet to be seen by me, Lindsey, had started on the fifteenth floor, seperating from Faith in the process and had worked our way down to the bottom floor and still not finding him, took the elevators back up to the top of the building, to continue the search for him.

We knew that the potential was there that he could have left the building and it would have been nice if all of the exits were cordoned off, but in the meantime, Riley in the wheelchair, no longer allowing me to push him, and myself, worked from the top of the building, investigating every floor from thrirty to eighteen, where we then ran into a big green demon, who I was leery of at first, but Riley seemed instantly comfortable with.

Lorne didn't know where Lindsey was, but he had enlightened me, along with Riley to some more of the questionable and downright evil things that had happened here, which didn't make me feel any more comfortable about being here, or about Angel.

After leaving our meeting of Lorne, we did what we had been doing, checking every window, every door, on our way down to the next floor, which led to the next floor, which still, had brought us nowhere closer to finding this Lindsey and I was sure that he was gone.

We were now on the fifteenth floor, near the security office, where we had started and I was was tired of walking and very much dreading looking from floor to floor again.

I was getting of the opinion that we should just guard the front exit and wait for him to either leave or show up again, because by all accounts, he was a pest, and would try something stupid, and thinking this, I went back into the security office and noticed that there had been a fight here. Something had happened in here.

Then Riley was talking about blood on the floor, investigating it, a little fear in his eye as if he thought that Faith might be hurt.

"Something's definitely happened, Ri. There was a scuffle in the security office as well as the blood."

He looked at me and started to wheel away towards the elevator, although I had no idea about where we would now go. This place was so big.

never give up

Looking for familiar faces [Sunday
August 14,2005 4:52 am

[ mood | curious ]

After going back to UCLA with Connor and turning in all of my school paperwork, I decided to head back to Wolfram and Hart. I hadn't talked to Buffy, or Willow or really anyone there since I had gotten to L.A. I had spent most of my time with Connor, which lets face it, was really nice. The guy was a hottie and not to mention super nice, plus he had the whole strength thing working for him without the vampire parts. I guess in many ways we were a lot a like. For starters we were both just like a few years old in human years. We both came from a dysfunctional family. Both had issues, like his dad was a vampire, an my sister was the slayer. He lived in an alternate dimension for a while, I was a ball of green energy at one point. See? Lots in common.

He did remind me of Angel in an odd way, sometimes the way that he talked, or the way that he walked or when he had this pensive face. And that was a tad disturbing, but I guess he was his father's son, as they say. Anyway, I did like spending time with him, and if it wasn't because of his schedule, I probably would still be spending time with him. He was really the only one that had given me the time a day. Everyone else had been too wrapped up in their worlds to care about what I was doing. Well, at least I still had Angel's car and his credit card, which I did have to return at some point. Not that I wanted to, but I just felt weird carrying it around.

Speaking of weird, how weird was it that he was this big shot in L.A? Angel that is. I mean, last time I checked he was doing this P.I thing, helping... something hopeless? They had a catchy slogan, and I couldn’t even remember it anymore......... Ah! They helped the helpless! That's what it was. But really, since when did that change? From all that Andrew had said, Wolfram and Hart was this big bad place. Didn't seem to be too bad, but if it was, why was Angel working here? And for that matter, what were we doing here?

No one really kept me in the loop these days. And back in Rome I was just having way too much fun to really care. I did enjoy my days of normal, but I should have know that they were counted.

As I exited the freeway and waited at the light, I thought about Riley, I hadn't seen him either. He had been all beat up and bruised the last time I saw him, I had to make it a point to see him to, check how he was doing and all. Hopefully he was doing better than the last time I laid eyes on him.

I finally made it to Wolfram and Hart. I parked in the same spot I had parked before in the underground parking and them made my way up the elevators towards the lobby level. As soon as the doors opened, I started to feel weird about being in this place alone. It was just like a maze here. Really, I couldn't make heads or tails out of it. I also felt a little underdressed. How in hell was I going to find Buffy, or even Angel? It almost felt like looking for a needle in a hay stack. Only this hay stack seemed to have its own zip code.

Still I wandered the halls looking for a familiar face, hoping that somehow I could run into anyone that looked remotely familiar or knew where Buffy was. I passed by one of the room and heard muffled voices, almost as if someone was in... pain? Either that or just being really... really bad at work, which... lets face it, just thinking about that was kind of... ewwwwwwww... I walked faster, trying to get as far away as I could from the interesting sounds. And I did, I got far, far way, and got even more lost in the process.

[[Open for Giles]]

11 hero(es) :+: never give up

We happen upon.....wow, a big green demon. [Saturday
August 13,2005 5:56 pm

[ mood | cranky ]

Graham and I, of course, with him pushing me...oh, how I couldn't wait to get out of this wheelchair, had checked every floor from the security offices on the fifteenth floor, to the lobby and had looked everywhere, interrupting meetings, ruffling feathers, looking in board rooms, and maintenance closets, looking for Lindsey, who was getting a mudhole stomped in him when we found him; but alas, we hadn't had any success in finding him.

So, all things being equal and with nothing happening for us other then finding Lindsey, we decided that we would go to the top floor and start on our way down again, just to try to find the idiot who had freed Angelus and as a result, had nearly gotten both of us killed, as Angelus was apparently thirsty.

Angel was okay now, so it seemed, although Graham was having a hard time dealing with all of this information. He wasn't prepared to work for a vampire, but like me, he was a survivor of a Wolfram and Hart plan that had resulted in the deaths of our entire unit, leaving us with voids and new needs for employment.

"Graham," I said in the elevator, as we moved from floor nineteen to eighteen, still not having found Lindsey, eleven floors from the top, "we will stick by Faith, by Buffy, by Giles in this. Stop worrying about working for a vampire. This place doesn't have to be so cut and dry. We have our allegiances."

He had been talking a lot about what we had been doing on the previous floors, taking about Angel, and how he had drained me, but I had explained to him that Angelus and Angel were different people, as I had learned in the past and that we could make a difference here.

Then, virtually, directly after I had told him about Angel and not all demons being bad and about this place not having to be so cut and dry, we happened upon a towering and skinny green demon, making his way down the hall.

"Case and point," I said, as in the wheelchair, next to this demon, who had to be six foot six, I felt like a midget, even though I was 6'4 in my own right.

Graham seemed ready to try something, but the green, red-eyed and horned demon seemed to be almost hiding, or aversive to confrontation, so I put my hand on his arm.

"Hello, starnger," I said. "You wouldn't have happened to have seen this really pretty-boy asshole named Lindsey walking around, would you have?"

I asked this of the big green demon, not even knowing if he was good or bad, but in lessons of the past from Buffy, I came to accept that not all demons were evil and not all humans were good.

{Lorne and Graham}

17 hero(es) :+: never give up

Beaten and locked away. [Saturday
August 13,2005 5:24 pm

[ mood | calm ]

I didn't believe that it had all turned out this way.

I had been caught by Faith not once, but twice. She was like a bloodhound, and she really wanted me to go down and had delivered some serious punishment my way.

The first time, had been an accident. I had just ben roaming the halls, looking to get into the security offices, where I was going to make my refuge, and she had dragged me up to the penthouse, where Angel was Angelus, after sex with the other slayer.

I had unlocked Angelus from the bed, trying to help myself by helping him get away, and what does he do? He drains me and the crippled guy, Riley, nearly killing us both and then gets put down by shockingly enough, Faith, again, and gets his soul back somehow.

For some reason, while I was being treated, I was left alone and while weak from blood loss, I was strong enough to get away and get to the security offices, killing the posted worker there, and making myself a nice hiding spot, but of course, who comes around, Faith, and she finds me again, only now, beating me becae personal to her and her strength was unbelievable.

I thought that Angel was strong, and myself for that matter, but I really thought that she was going to kill me, and may have, but didn't, because who shows up, Angel, and two other people that I didn't know.

Angel decides to beat on me and all of them are looking for books, which I can only assume are the fabled templates, which I didn't have, being as that I worked with Wes now, unbeknownst to Angel and Faith and the two strangers, and therefore, wouldn't take them from Wes, but Angel and Faith, strong, but not exactly the brightest bulbs on the tree, of course, think that I have them, and carry me away, towards a cell.

The guy with the older guy, gets a phone call, tells this Giles that he has somehwere to be, and then minutes later, this older Giles guy, who I was going to find out about, because he too was accusing me of having the templates, and that pissed me off, walks away, as Angel and Faith both drag my beaten body somewhere, towards a young girl.

And then I saw where I was going and was tossed into a cell, landing on my head, but they weren't getting anything out of me and I was sure that Cordy would get me out of here at some point. So I could handle this. After all, as they looked at me and locked the door, both looking smug, I was still alive and when all was said and done, they would all pay for this.

[Faith and Angel]

10 hero(es) :+: never give up

August 7,2005 4:56 pm

"Captain Enthusiasm reporting for duty," I muttered to myself, bellying up to the mini-bar in my office this afternoon. I had 3 more meetings to go, and each and every one of them felt like a literal death sentence. Did I want to endure them? Not particularily - probably about as much as one would want to endure about three days worth of Ben Affleck movies. Not my idea of a swinging party, if you get my drift.

But my days sort of swam by me, in the sense that I felt as though I was chained to the bottom of the ocean and all I could do was watch the sharks close in. I was being avoidy, this much was definately true. I figured if I was holed up in my office or locked away in some meeting, I would be able to keep myself seperate from all the drama that seemed to accumulate within the walls of this Firm. That, and to be perfectly honest, I was terrified of seeing blue. Literally.

My heart, still broken, of course as it should be, couldn't deal with her; and, I didn't want to be around my friends at the moment, either. I didn't want to even be here. And with every single instance that these thoughts drifted into my brain, I found myself wondering why I didn't just leave.

Anyhow, back to bellying up to my bar. The only thing I had available at the moment was gin, and without vermouth, I didn't have much of a martini. Come to think of it, I never really cared for gin, anyway. So the lack of something good to drink was another notch on the bedpost of things that caused me to heave gigantic sighs at any given moment. I checked my watch. I was going to be late for my meeting if I stood around here all day moping about my lack of suitable drink, so begrudgingly, I grabbed my blazer and headed out my door.

I headed down the hallway, eyes on the floor, cellphone in my hand, hoping I could duck out of existance for the rest of the day. I doubted anyone would need me anyway, not that I really contributed much to the team save for my occasional wise crack and complaint of reluctance.

It was going to be a long day, but then again, seeing as all my days just sort of melded together, it probably wont make a difference to me one way or the other...
never give up

August 6,2005 5:48 pm

[ mood | contemplative ]

I watched as they all but tortured this man to get him to tell them where the templates were. I wondered if he would just lie and say anything to get free, but something in me told me not to get my hopes up.

I leaned to Giles once more and hopefully quiet enough asked. "Do you think he knows?" I waited for Giles to answer, I didn't know if he knew that we had the templates, but if he did, I could guarantee that he would rat us out in a heart beat.

Part of me worried that if this all went down, if the truth were to come out, would this put Jackie in danger? Would she be able to protect herself? I mean yeah she is a slayer, but that doesn't mean she can't be hurt and I can't watch as another person that I possibly care about gets hurt. Maybe I should just say I took them and let them beat me instead....

I don't know why I was thinking this way, I don't know why I was letting myself fall for someone else that most likely was unavailable to the likes of me, but I was. She was gorgeous, and she had an attitude that made her all that much stronger, I just couldn't stop thinking about her. If Giles knew what was really on my mind, he wouldn't let me within 300 feet of her, I could hear it now, "This isn't a time for fun and games, or talk of dating. We may die in this fight of ours, it's time to get serious." So therefore I have to keep what I am feeling to myself.

Thing is, if I see her in danger, I don't think I can just sit back, I don't think I can just let her do her thing. Yes Jackie is a slayer, and yes she is stronger than most, but if I can save her, then...Ok really, I need to stop trying to be the white knight in this story. I have been around this group long enough to know not to stand in the way of the stronger than human types like Buffy, and Jackie, and even Willow. I just don't want to watch someone else get hurt...not like Anya. I guess the bonus here is I have finally fallen for someone who isn't a demon, no instead she is another slayer. This time though she doesn't have a thing for a dead guy with brooding issues, or another dead guy who is overbleached. Atleast I hope that is the case.

I finally had to pull myself out of my thoughts and focus on something other than a hot chick and focus back on the problem at hand. I needed to focus on the problem at hand, the rat on the floor that most likely will spill every last detail of what happened to the templates if he even knows. "Giles" I finally whispered. "Is this going to put certain people in danger?" Yeah way to go Xand, you just all but told him you are worried about Jackie. Yes this is going to go well.

[[open for Giles, and whoever else is there.]]

11 hero(es) :+: never give up

So, leaving it is. [Sunday
July 31,2005 10:55 am

[ mood | cranky ]

I was not happy with the way things had turned out, although I was rather surprised that the vampire CEO himself did seem to be in control, and that he hadn't overreacted to our obviously flawed story.

It was odd to see that now two vampires in this building...this Angel, and the other, Spike, had been so calm when it came to not letting their emotions become hostile, like every other vampire that I had seen, eventually, regardless of situation, did.

When Giles had recruited me away from Oxford to become a watcher; to this new calling, I had learned that vampires tended to be vicious and never pensive. It was obvious that this didn't apply to Angelus or William the bloody. I knew that they both had souls, but they were two of the most vicious vampires of all time and seeing them in this way was odd and awkward for me.

But, not as awkward as the situation. Xander had interjected when we had happened upon he, Giles and Angel, that Jackie was his girlfriend and that I was Jackie's father.

I immediately knew that it was a flawed plan, simply because we had different accents, but Jackie intelligently went with the punches and since Angel seemed to be very occupied by someone being pounded on the floor by Faith...finally, we saw her.

Thankfully, Angel was moe interested in them then our terrible attempt at subterfuge and Giles then whispered almost inaudibly to us to go back to the hotel and that he was safe.

Part of me wanted to protest and say that it would only make him appear to be more inconspicuous, but he assured us that we needed to depart and that he would indeed be okay, and it also gave credence to another part of Xander's story that we were just leaving.

Jackie and I made our way to the elevator, at the far end of the hall, that would take us down to the parking garage, where the car was. Once in, I felt safe enough to talk to her.

"I would say that we have done a terrific job of bastardizing this. I'm thinking that it wasn't Giles who came up with the brilliant plan to call us father and daughter," even though I very much felt like her father most of the time, "I would also say it's safe to assume that we were spotted on camera by Angel, which was the eason for the lie."

I pressed the B button for basement, where the car was that would take us out of here, mercifully, at least for now.

{Open for Jackie, Wesley and Cordy...following}

22 hero(es) :+: never give up

Spillyria [Friday
July 29,2005 6:43 am

[ mood | horny ]

Smiled sincerely at her.

Wasn't the first time that after a bout of violence like we had just been through, they I had gotten busy with a snog, only the other person that came to mind was Buffy, and that was different. The little shiva and I had fought so bleeding intensely twice in the last two days and not a half an hour ago, she had touched my sack in a bad way, and had put me down as I result, throwing a painful sodding backbreaker on me like I had done to her yesterday, and had beaten me, bruised.

Difference was, Buffy thought way too much. Illyria wanted to feel again and while the bird would bloody no doubt have her share of questions after, she wouldn't question me or herself for doing this.

Was slightly odd, this. Wondered what certain others would think if they were to open the door in about five minutes. Was fairly certain that captain forehead would get a tear in his pantyhose, which gave me all the more motivation.

Percy's reaction could be fairly surprising, and would be far more buggering hard to figure then Angel's would be, but in either case, they would be in for quite the show, had the feeling.

Could feel all of the blood in me rushing to one place, and she expressed the desire to find out about it. My own tendencies drifted normally towards the rough and I was about to enter serious bloody virginal territory, but if anyone could handle pain and thrive on it, it was Leery.

Made me harder, as my lips went back to hers, her back against the training room wall. Odd, it was, for normally would be taking off jeans or leather pants or even pulling up a skirt right now, but instead, found myself pulling a leather body suit off. Had expected her entire body to be blue, but when I pulled the zip down, naked, tight, nubile and a nice tan color underneath.

Leery wasn't completely blind to what as going on, and flashes of Fred's memories had to be taking over because my pants were down so fast, that felt like a den of thieves had come up to me in my sleep. Expected to see Fred's face on top but it was still Illyria.

Good that. Fred was a beautiful, loved the bird but I knew the difference. This was not Fred. This wasn't somebody who meant to kill Fred either, though, and that was where Percy and Gunn in bloody particular, had things all wrong.

Leery could have just have easily have taken another form when she came to be, and I pushed the thought out of my mind, as we were both now naked, and my arms went around her, lifting her up, and mounting her on top of me, against the wall. So tight, and feminine. It was delightful. Our kiss become deeper.

Once again, was love's bitch and was more then happy to step up to the plate. Batter bloody up. Way up. She had once said to Angel that she wanted to make me her pet. Now the tables were turned.

[My pet, Illyria]

17 hero(es) :+: never give up

Questionable moves. [Tuesday
July 26,2005 3:27 pm

[ mood | contemplative ]

Wesley and the glowing Cordelia had left the room after..after..well a little bit of trauma, one might say.

Wesley and I had argued about the templates. I knew beyond reasoning and without a doubt that he thought that I had his missing sacred books, and he was right to assume as much, just as I knew that he was now evil, and possessed by a desire that made it appear to the open eye, or at least these two open eyes, that this evil place, this evil lawfirm had gotten the best of him.

He was not the same man that I used to know back in Sunnydale. Working with Angel had changed him, possibly for the better, but coming to this Wolfram and Hart, the embodiment of all evil, had changed him for the worst. The old Wesley or even the Wesley that I had corresponded with by phone from time to time would not have taken a swing at me.

Wesley and Cordelia going off on their own was probably for the best, also, because Xander and Cordelia had decided to revisit the old Sunnydale days except only know, instead of insults, they tossed around, or at least Cordelia did, what seemd to be threats.

It was probablynot he best, in hindsight, to send the two of them off on their own, and I wished that there was a way that I could get a hold of either Jackie or Michael and have them follow the two of them, and thus, prove what I suspected and what Willow seemed to know unquestioningly; that Wesley was evil and had done the spell to bring Cordelia back that way. With proof, we could bring this to Angel, possibly form a bond with him, which would make Buffy more secure, and wouldkeep Angel further from his dark side, because I couldn't help but feel that Wesley and Cordelia were trying to drag him down.

Xander, Angel and I walked towards the security offices, which seemed to be located on the fifteenth floor. Actually, we walked to the elevator and got in it, ready to descend two flights of stairs, my look to Xander a disquieted one if we were to bump into Michael and Jackie, for they didn't know of our charade.

The good thing was that Michael and Jackie were both crafty and knew that subterfuge was their main job description while here at Wolfram and Hart.

"Xander, what state did you find Willow in when you last saw her. Is she feeling better after the whole siuation with...with Spike?"

Trying to make small talk, to give Angel an air of normalcy, wasn't easy at the moment, for he was still a vampire and thus, would always have a level of rage within him, albeit that he was far more calm then Wesley was currently.

We just had to play those lines and keep things under control here, so that we could influence our own agenda, and make sure that this place was brought down in the Council's way, without gray areas.

[Xander, Angel, Jackie, Michael and if they are still in the security office, Faith and Lindsey}

16 hero(es) :+: never give up

Angel's brilliance continues to shine. [Monday
July 25,2005 8:29 am

[ mood | devious ]

After brilliant meeting in Giles' room, where he continued to lie through his tea-stained teeth about not having the templates, and featuring he and I throwing punches at one another, Cordy glowing on both of us, Xander and Cordelia having a spat, spurred on by her mentioning that Giles just happened to leave the room when he 'wasn't' pilfering my templates and met with a girl, and her father, who turned out to be Xander's girlfriend, that Xander insisted made Cordelia look ugly; and of course, after all of those antics were over, Angel, the brilliant genius that he could be at times, sent Cordy and I off together to 'look' for Lindsey, so that we could bring him in, because Angel was sure that Lindsey had the templates.

Cordy and I walked the halls and I smiled at her, reliving the scene in that room.

Yeah, like Giles wasn't the one with the templates and like we were going to turn in Lindsey even if we did find him. As much as I still didn't trust Lindsey, I knew that Cordy had some love for him, and was going to ferret him away to somewhere safe.

Angel had put us together so that HE could keep an eye on Giles, although I didn't believe that he actually thought that Giles had my rare scribes. His reason was most probably to keep Cordelia seperated from Xander and to keep myself seperated from Giles at the moment, but for someone alive as long as he, he was so slow on the uptake.

It amazed me how Angelus seemed to know everything, and Angel could only see what was in front of him.

Cordy was still rather stewing over Xander, but I had to make her smile over this. "So, where should we look for Lindsey first? Your apartment?" I knew that she didn't have one yet, although we would soon be remedying that at the firm's expense.

She glanced up at me. "So one to ten, how much less hot then you was Xander's fictitious girlfriend and cohort with Giles?"

We made our way off of the seventh floor, actually took the time to get into the elevator to go down one floor, and when it opened, she felt the need to respond to my question asked before we had boarded the elevator.

Those pesky listening devices and cameras were everywhere and we both knew it. Well, except for my office, which for the first time, I wasn't happy with, because if they had been not blocked, then I could have caught Giles in the act.


16 hero(es) :+: never give up

Knock! Knock! Knock! [Wednesday
July 20,2005 10:03 pm

As Riley and Graham left the room, I closed the door behind them and sighed heavily. I was frustrated as hell not being able to find Lindsey, who was obviously avoiding us. Everything just wasn't adding up. The weird noises from this room, Cordelia being in here and well, just everything in general!

"You better hope I don't find you Lindsey!" I mumbled as I grabbed the nearby chair and sat, looking at all the video screens. I could see Riley and Graham walking, which was sweet yet weird at the same time. I felt like a stalker. I put my feet up and layed back, relaxing in the chair. Sooner or later someone would come in here and they'd get a wicked punch back to reality- my version of it that is.

I waited for awhile and began to wander around the room. Back and fourth, laying, sitting- hell, even practicing some nice moves. But still, nothing!

"Fuck, where the hell are you?" I asked as I threw my arms up into the air and then sat back down into the chair. This was beginning to get really boring and I'm starting to think I should've made the boys stay here while I searched.

{{Open to Lindsey if he dares to come out and play!}}
9 hero(es) :+: never give up

Hunting in an evil lawfirm. [Wednesday
July 20,2005 6:29 am

[ mood | hyper ]

Riley, Faith and I had been hot on the trail of some guy known only to me as Lindsey.

I had never seen him, but Faith, a slayer, and Riley, somebody that I knew as a ver determined individual, seemed to think that he was worse then any kind of demon, and was somebody that we needed to find.

So, I didn't argue, I just tagged along, willing to help, especially since I had found my best friend to be in a wheelchair and very recently nearly drained by a vampire who just turned out to be the CEO of this evil lawfirm, who was now, apparently, not a threat again, and was souled and all good again, which I didn't quite understand, but I would find out from Ri soon enough.

We had picked something up in the security office, traces of perfume and cologne that Faith picked up on immediately. She knew that the cologne was that of Lindsey's and the perfumes was that of some woman that I hadn't heard of.

We left Faith in the room, as she and Riley were both somehow sure that Lindsey would return and I believed it too, but still, we couldn't put all of our eggs into one basket and Faith sent us out to try to find him in the rest of the building, while she hung back at the security office, waiting for this Lindsey to return, and I wouldn't want to be him if he did.

I also wouldn't want to be him if we found him, even if Riley was still in a wheelchair because he had fallen eighteen stories before the whole being drained thing, and had been in a coma.

"Okay, while we are searching, Ri, you have to tell me how you and Faith hooked up, for starters."

{Riley, eventually back to Faith}

8 hero(es) :+: never give up

A warm glow amongst lies. [Tuesday
July 19,2005 1:20 am

[ mood | calm ]

The templates had gone missing, and Wes had seemed convinced that Giles was a part of it, but I wasn't so sure.

Wes and I had been questioning him on it and it was obvious that he didn't like being put through the ringer, while Cordy had gone to check the security tapes, especially, to see if he had been truthful about staying in his room.

Cordy came back with the truth that he had been gone for a lon stretch and on more then one occassion, and eventually Giles and Wes, much to my disbelief, came to blows.

I wasn't going to face the wrath of Buffy nd touch him, although I would throw him out on his ass and keep my eyes on him if he had taken the templates and was trying to deceive us and our cause here.

I was about to break up te fight, but Cordy glowed on them, and I caught the bi-products of her shine as well and it was verification that all of this nonsense that I had heard about Cordy and Wes not being my team, was false, at least in my mind.

It also gave me clarity and I suggested, because Giles was adamant about it all, that possibly Lindsey was behind it all, and Giles, who was obviously shocked, but also soothed by Cordy's glow, seemd to think that if Lindsey was such an enemy of ours, that it would have to be him involved in making the templates disappear.

Cordy wasn't so sure, nor was Wes, and Wes had actually brought up me draining Lindsey earlier, which made my glow fade just a touch, and made Giles eye me, suspiciously, for a second.

I didn't get angry, though, and Cordy's asking about the templates was something that I had to address, at the very least, trying to pull the focus away from me being evil for a brief time earlier after sex with Buffy, which I DIDN'T want Giles to know about.

"Cordy, he did leave some of the less volatile books on his desk, but that was because they lookd like just normal books, and only those, like Lindsey, who were aware of what they were, would just go up and take them..."

I looked at her, hen Wes and then at Giles, who seemed to still be basking in Cordy's glow and seemed non-committal.

I just hoped that he didn't call me on the draining of Lindsey thing, which would kill my affects frm feeling the glow, as I would have to bring up having sex with Buffy.

{{Posting order....Cordy, Wes, Xander, Giles}}

23 hero(es) :+: never give up

Lovemaking comfort after killin'. [Sunday
July 17,2005 8:08 pm

[ mood | dirty ]

I drove towards Gwen's apartment, probably faster then I should have been, knowin' that I had just killed a man, and needin' the comfort of Gwen, who had just killed demons.

The scumbag that I had killed deserved to die, especially since I had just defended him and got him off on charges that nobody should have gotten off on.

It was my job, but that didn't mean that I couldn't set some plans into motion that would eliminate him without it bein' tied to me.

Unfortunately, my plans didn't work out and my client and his slimy demon bodyguards had taken out the Don Amarassi, who hated my client, and Gwen and I did the dirty work with more success then the mafia guys had.

I guessed that it was a good thing, because now, two sets of bad people and demons were dead, but it didn't change two facts. I had killed another human, just as I had Seidel, and the ramifications either wit the partners or wit Angel could be big.

I did what I had to do, though, to feel good about myself, and I wasn't going to let Gwen kill him. Things were bad, but I found myself needin' to be close to her, and didn't want things to go the way they had wit my sweet Fred after I had killed Seidel.

She opened the door and I couldn't get in there quick enough, as I swept her into my arms and kissed her with need, headin' towards the bedroom. I knew that my affections may have seemed a little crazy, but I was hopin' that I wouldn't get any complaints and so far, they weren't.


17 hero(es) :+: never give up

Waiting, with a smile, for Cordy to return. [Wednesday
July 13,2005 3:06 pm

[ mood | chipper ]

Angel and I hovered over Giles as he shifted uncomfortably in his bed, still maintaining a facade of calmness, throughout.

Angel had basically come out and accused him of stealing the templates, which I hadn't been able to do...or at least, I was going to, because knowing Giles the way that I did, knowing that he loved his books and that the templates would be the greatest volumes in his collection, I had to believe it to be him, with them disappearing coinciding with his coming here, only Angel beat me to the punch.

That made me smile and it made me smile more to hear that Giles had comeback by saying that Angel was speaking out of his asshole.

Giles was no doubt depending on Angel's relationship with Buffy to keep him from doing harm to Giles, because very few people spoke to Angel that way.

Brilliantly, I came up with the idea that somebody go check the security cameras to see if Giles was being true to his word, to see if he had lied when he had said that he had spent the whole day in his infirmary bed, where we currently stood, in his room.

Giles had backpeddled from that point, only proving further that he was guilty of pilfering MY templates, saying that he had gone to the Cafeteria and to the restroom once and that he ahd walked around another time to stretch his legs, and Cordy had decided to go check the security offices, which I absolutely loved, for she and I were not on Angel's side either, and she and I could play this any number of ways.

Playing Angel and Giles against each other was enticing to the point of making me salivate.

"You do know, Giles, that stealing those templates away from here is not only wrong, but is punishable by law. I think I shall get Gunn to start some legal proceedings upon you if you don't turn them over right away."

As I said it, Cordy walked into the room, a smile on her face and I looked at her, as did Angel, expectantly, only we had very different things on our mind, although I did love the remark about getting Gunn on this legally, and how it visibly made him squirm, even if Angel didn't seem comfortable with that idea.

((Cordy, Angel, Giles))

21 hero(es) :+: never give up

Close to the bottom. [Sunday
July 10,2005 11:55 am

[ mood | stressed ]

I used to think when I was a little girl that things were so simple; that things could always work out if there was enough force behind it. But it was today that I was proved wrong. I didn't know what I was thinking here. I didn't know what I was thinking then. I realize that when I first came here, that things weren't going to be easy. They never were easy; Things were always going to be complicated regardless of the actions that one would take to prevent them, but in my head, I believed that things would work out.

Here. In the embodiment of evil, Wolfram and Hart.

Sharp Like A Razor bladeCollapse )

I wanted to back out slowly of this place fore a few hours, but I felt guilty. Angel shouldn't be the one to take the wrap for everything. It wasn't just him. In fact, it was more my fault. But things seemed to be getting handled at a slower pace. Like what we had just done was put on hiatus for discussion for a while. There were other forms of business to take care of. Now that, I didn't understand, but I wasn't objecting to it either. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, especially not to those that expected so much higher of me. Even myself.

I still had Angel's cellphone, and if he needed to get ahold of me, he could.

But I was long overdue for some time with Willow. Recooperation. It wasn't going to solve everything, but it could sugar coat, and that's what I felt I needed right now. A lot of it.

((Open To Willow. ))

20 hero(es) :+: never give up

Deja Vu all over again. [Friday
July 8,2005 6:54 am

[ mood | grateful ]

Graham, Faith and I made our way into the hall, on the manhunt for Wesley and it was definitely a case of deja vu all over again.

It seemed to me that we had just done this, earlier in the day, only then, we were looking for Wesley, and now we were looking Lindsey.

We had filled Graham in on all of the particulars. Angel, a vampire was the CEO here, he had helped me, us, go after this Hamilton who had killed our unit, but also, that there seemed to be a lot of tension between Giles and Angel about the way that things should be done.

He filled us in on a lot of things too, mainly that he wasn't going back into the military, because as I suspected, they were going to make him go through hoops to prove that he was competent after seeing the same tragedy in the jungle that I did; the same tragedy that had taken our unit away from us, and my Samantha.

Faith had come up with the suggestion that the best place to look for Lindsey might be in the same place that we had seen him the first time, when she had clinked him and had taken him up to Angel's penthouse before all of the madness started.

In the elevator, I felt an intense desire to say something, considering that I was all weak and immobile, although I did find her plan to be a good one, because he did seem to be looking for something or someone where we had seen him last time.

"Okay, guys, before we have any confrontations, I would like to point out that while I am normally pretty proficient at taking care of myself, right now isn't one of those times, and I would just like to ask that you guys please not let me get drained of nearly all of my blood again!"

I smiled, but I really was serious, as I looked from Graham to Faith, who I knew wouldn't let anything happen to me again.

[Faith and Graham]

23 hero(es) :+: never give up

July 6,2005 9:55 pm

So we were back on the prowl again. We watched, out of the corner of our eyes, as Giles goes back into his hospital room. Thank goodness. The man needs to rest and get well. And people like Illryia and Spike need to stay away from him. Michael and I would make sure of that.

Being around this evil place was a lot easier with Michael around. Before, when it was just me walking around, I felt like I was out of place and out of my league, especially when I was face to face with Spike for a few moments there. But now, with Michael acting like an attorney and me acting like his paralegal, I was more confident. We work really well together as a team.

I also thought about Xander. So cute, didn't even mind the eyepatch. I need to come up with better ideas so I don't look dumb in front of him again, but I think he likes me back. We swapped cellhpne numbers, and that has to be more than just for emergencies.

Getting back to the mission at hand before I blow it, I walked with Michael around again. It had been enough time that we needed to check on Giles again. He seemed to be e doing okay, thank goodness. My mind wandered back to Xander. I couldn't wait to train him. I nearly walked right into someone I was so lost in thought.

"Sorry." I said, then continued on, Michael ahead of me. I really need to focus. Stop thinking about Xander, Jackie. Focus on the misson!

[Open to Michael]
15 hero(es) :+: never give up

Sparring, and chit-chatting. [Monday
July 4,2005 2:24 pm

[ mood | sore ]

Illyria towering over me, was now not trying to sodding stomp my head into the floor.

We had been in the training room yesterday, and I had thrown a backbreaker on her that had incapacitated her and had made me smile, but I felt a little bleeding bad about hurting her that bad, for som reason.

After questioning Giles, and seeing that she was about to throttle Rupes, had to bloody stop her because couldn't have Buffy even more mad at me then she already was for sleeping with Will.

There was no doubt that Illyria would have inflicted some pain on Rupes, and as much as I still owed him one for trying to have me killed, had to sodding defend him, which led to Illyria and I fighting, which led to us in here again.

Was sodding clear that she wanted to break me into a hundred pieces, and that she wanted to kill me, so I put the wagers out there, and was willing to kill her, but of course, didn't want to kill her. It wasn't her fault that she had taken Fred from us, and in bloody fact, parts of Fred were still in her, but as we fought, she sodding took the low-blow route and hammered me after that, putting a back-breaker on me, crunching my jewels, and pounding my face.

As she had me at her feet, at her mercy, she questioned why I had the chip in my head, after I had let it slip, in an attempt to recover, and I told her about Finn and the sodding iniative. She asked me why I hadn't killed Finn and told her that it was complicated, still stalling for time, but that it was about Buffy, again.

At her mercy, at her feet, I found myself oddly attracted to her and bloody wondered what she was going to do next.


13 hero(es) :+: never give up

A call to the big man. [Friday
July 1,2005 10:11 am

[ mood | devious ]

Still slightly weakened from having Angelus feed on my neck, I was still prety happy about the position that I was now in, although I had let my presence be known to all that Cordy, Wes, Hamilton and I opposed, and that was not the plan for me. The plan for me had been to be in the shadows, unknown and yet lethal when I needed to be.

That was now out. Angel and company would hunt me, bu they wouldn't find me here in the security office, which I had come to after leaving the hospital room that I had been sharing with the crippled Riley army boy.

It was careless of any of them to leave me unattended, but it was their own fault and now they would pay. I killed the security guard on duty and had just finished taking his carcass to the incinerator, carefully, where I had gone unseen, and now was back in my security perch, studying various rooms and something struck me as odd.

One room had a meeting of four people talking about scheming on Angel, and spoke definitively of the templates, the mystical books belonging exclusively to the senior partners. Wes had been careless to make them so easily stealable, and I would call him on that, as he would surely call me on being grabbed up by Faith, and for everything that followed.

Right now, I had a call to make, and as I kept my eyes on the scrrens, seeing that Faith and some other military type guy were in my own room and they would no doubt be looking for me. The four in the room, trying to deceive Angel, responsible for stealing the templates, had disappered, although one of them showed up in an infirmary wing, just down the hell from where Faith, Riley and this third guy, who actually has said that he could drag me in by my collar, was.

Wary of Faith coming here, for this was where she had seen me, I held the phone to my ear and looked to the closet, and went in, knowing that there was a vent for me to escape in, when my call was answered.

"Hey, Marcus, it's Lindsey. Boy, do we have somethings to discuss...that is if you aren't already keeping apprised of things."


15 hero(es) :+: never give up

Back in my cozy bed. [Friday
July 1,2005 9:24 am

[ mood | determined ]

Seated back in my bed, in my lovely little wing at the infirmary at this evil empire of Wolfram and Hart, I tried to stayed buoyed by the fact that I had my team in place here and that they seemed to be well-adjusted to the plan.

The reality was, that we were targets here, and I knew that I was already under suspicion for the templates and rightfully so, but they were not going to uncover that I had them, at least without a fight.

I found myself wondering why I was still here. Spike hitting me and the onset of fatigue that triggered his punch making me weak, had virtually disappeared, but I was torn as to..as to exactly how I wanted to handle this one.

Like Buffy making herself sick again all of those years back to thwart, permanently, De Kinderstod, I felt like if I could remain here, then I had an excuse to be here and I knew that it was likely that I was not under twenty-four hour surveillance, but at the same time, if this Illyria being felt the need to attack me, then Jackie would have to stop her, if Spike was not here to fight with her, instead, and then our cover would be blown.

For the meanime, I considered playing the part of the sick, older chap, and seeing what we could gather, although if we could get the templates to work for us and have somebody inside, informaing us about what was going on, then we would have a fighting chance of thwarting any evil plans of Angel, before they ever really got off of the ground.

I wondered how Xander was making out in his recon for information mission. I wondered how close Jackie and Michael were staying together, fully believing it wise for them to be on top of things and together, like a lawyer and a parallegal would be in a place such as this.

I wondered about Brenda, and reasoned that she might have thought that I was blowing her off, because I hadn't spoken to her since being dropped off here. I did wish to speak to her, and more, as something to keep me happy in the face of all of this treachery and turmoil.

I let my eyes drift to sleep, with thoughts of her in my head, and not of the evil around me.

(Wes, Cordelia, Angel when they are done their thread)

9 hero(es) :+: never give up

Does the room have that empty sound to you too? [Tuesday
June 28,2005 8:46 pm
So after we did the whole re-ensouling party, the room thinned out. Which, to myself and I'm sure Wes, was a relief. Willow and Buffy went off to do the 'best friends forever' thing and make up after their fight. Please. Kill me now.

Oh and then on top of that, Faith left to check on her man. Riley. Please, how lame is that. It's not as if I wasn't thinking the same thing, going to check on Lindsey .. but even I had a LOT more self-control then her. And the little bitch comment? Haha. Funny. Oh maybe if we were in .. third grade. The girl needed to grow up. Maybe another little prison stint would do her good. Hmm..

I watched her walk out, glaring at her back the whole way before turning back to Wes and Angel, a more pleasant expression on my face. "Reminiscent of the old days much?" I asked, raising a brow at them.

"So we have missing tablets, Lindsey on the loose, and lots of magick going on. Way to welcome a girl back, hmm? At least there's a bright side. The Powers still send me visions."

How ironic the first one is of their so-called champion getting it on with the Slayer. It almost made me laugh.

"Where do we start with this whole mess? From the top or the bottom?" I asked, glancing at Angel. Obviously playing the role of good little vision girl/secretary. God it almost made me sick.

[The guys left in the penthouse .. Angel & Wes ]
16 hero(es) :+: never give up

Fear of the unknown. [Tuesday
June 28,2005 12:20 am

[ mood | cynical ]

So Willow and I left that room. The room that I found to now be smothering and harmful. What I had thought was a sanctuary, turned out to be a prison. Something that was very bad. Something that was wrong...and yet, it was something that I couldn't find in me to hate myself for.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, as much as I didn't want to hear myself think about it, I had loved every second of making love with Angel. It was so selfish, and it was something that I wasn't going to ever tell anyone about. Not even Willow and Angel. It was a feeling that I was going to keep to myself.

What a slayer it was making me out to be, huh. First off, I'm proved wrong about being able to fight well, and secondly, my poor decisions were making most, if not all the people I loved suffer.

When Willow had asked me if I was alright, and her giving me that look that I knew all too well, I was stuck in a dilemma. I wanted to tell her everything, I wanted to let her know what my feelings on this whole situation were...but I couldn't. I knew that she would understand which ever decision I made, and I had decided that in the long run..it was better off just staying right where it was. In my head....even if she could always read me like a picture book.

"Yeah, Will. Just really spooked, and worried, and pretty much with the guilt, but all systems go here. I just need time, you know, to retalliate. And then I'll start with the explaining and the apologizing. But right now, I need to make sure that Riley's alright, and this Lindsey guy is well detained."

That was the whole truth, too. I wanted Lindsey put down, and I wanted to make sure that he was in this building, and still unconscious. Then I wanted to make sure that he had about 50 pounds of chains on him. We could figure out what to do with him after everyone, I mean everyone was healed. Emotionally and Physically. Because that could give him enough time to stew about what in the hell racket he helped cause. Granted, it was me that started it, but he let the monster that I created loose.

There was so much that I wanted to talk about right now with Willow. This thing with Giles, Angel, us, Spike. God...even thinking about it was creating a headache. Especially when we arrived at the door, I looked in the room to find Riley, and then 2 nurses talking about how it was almost impossible for Lindsey to walk away with all the blood that he had lost.

Of course.

I turned to Willow, not even going into the room to talk to Riley. I guess it was a sudden change in bravery. Besides, maybe we would be able to catch Lindsey before he got out of the building.

Who was I kidding? He was gone.

Just one more thing to add to the heaping pile of shit that we have all had to deal with since we stepped foot in the lawfirm. Hell, we should even be used to it by now.

(( Open to Willow and whoever...;) ))

16 hero(es) :+: never give up

Checking up on my love! [Monday
June 27,2005 12:23 am

[ mood | grateful ]

I walked out of the room to leave Cordelia the wannabe bitch, Wesley and Angel to talk things out or do whatever. Didn't really matter to me, since all I wanted to do was throw a chair at them all. Angel mostly though. I know that it wasn't 'him' who attacked Riley, but still. I'm not so good with the forgiving department. I mean, I had to go to jail to deal with my issues before with B' and that turned out pretty good. We're close now- at least I think.

As I pressed the elevator door, I felt chills run down my spine. If Angelus got away from us, it would've been all hell. I walked through the elevator doors and pressed the floor that Riley was on. I sighed a bit as the doors closed and the elevator started to move. I hope he was ok! He was when I left him, but who know's what could've happened.

The doors opened and I quickly made my way into the room where he was laying, almost asleep. I glanced beside him and- Lins' was gone. I snapped my head in one of the nurses directions and growled lowly. I wasn't impressed but B' and Red were hopefully on the case in finding him so whatever.

"Hey babe, how you doin?" I asked as I walked up to him and touched his hand. He looked pretty good for being drainined almost completely. At least he was alive.

{{Open to Riley and anyone else! Perhaps the other sexy soldier boy should join?}}

27 hero(es) :+: never give up

Not the place for me. [Saturday
June 25,2005 2:34 am

Injured, indeed, defeated by that very strange conquerer of the body of Winifred Burkle, I realized as I recovered that this was not the place for me.

I was not completely healed, or at least that is what the men in the white jackets had said, but I did not stop that from getting out of the place of sleep in the room, and putting on my leg and arm coverings, tainted with blood from the fight with this Illyria, I walked slowly, indeed, out of the sector of this domicile that I had been resting in.

This was not the place for me.

I could not be a part of any operation, even if Angel was indeed involved, where this Illyria, this Winifred Burkle pilferer, was a part of the team. She was evil, and it seemed to the Groosaugg that she was accepted as someone who was beneficent, and I could not indeed abide that.

I could carry my battle to other malificent forces and I had to be truthful to myself, indeed. The only reason that I had come to this domicile of evil was to see my princess; was to see my Cordelia Chase and she was in this preternatural coma, and it did not seem that she would be able to speak to me ever again and that was truly paining.

Not making eye contact with anyone, I stumb-bled down the stairs until eventually I reached the large, paned doors of this evil domicile and departed, indeed.

I would indeed come back for my princess in due time, but only for her, only to get her out of this castle of evil.
never give up

The healing process over, time to take action. [Saturday
June 25,2005 1:37 am

[ mood | determined ]

Nightmares came and went, but they were still occassionally there.

It wasn't hard to understand them, but when you were having them alone, your body battered by a pack of demons, visions of your unit slaughtered with the exception of the person whom was probably your best friend, rattling your brain in sleep and while you were awake...yeah, it wasn't hard to understand them.

Riley went off on his little mission, leaving me to deal with the fallout with the army, and as much as it pained me, they wouldn't let me stay without psychiatric evaluations.

I wasn't crazy. They knew it, I knew it, but in order to keep my stripes, they wanted me to jump through hoops for them and for once, I wasn't goign to follow their orders.

I accepted the discharge, pained, always pained lately, realizing that all along, Riley had been right, even though he had come back to join us.

The life of a soldier wasn't any life at all. Your life was theirs and I could admit that now, now as I drove to Los Angeles towards the one place that I knew Riley would be at, or at leastat the place that those demons had talked about; the lawfirm, Wolfram and Hart.

I should have joined Riley when he went. He was grief strickened over Sam and was going after them, whoever they were and I should have been with him there, but I was injured, and maybe, a little scared.

That wasn't the case anymore. I was ready to battle demons without the uniform, just like my buddy had, just like he had in Sunnydae with his ex-girlfriend..with the slayer, with Buffy.

I just hoped that he was alright, because as I pulled up to the building, it just sort of looked like the home of evil.

I didn't like it. Humans didn't belong in a place like this. Stake and pistol at the ready, I got out of my jeep and headed towards the entrance, anticipating anything, especially considering that this was the home of the place that sent those demons that had killed our unit.

never give up

Explanations? Not so good. [Friday
June 24,2005 12:53 am

[ mood | indescribable ]

Willow did her amazing work, as usual. This time, I owed her big time. I knew now, that we were better now, but I still owed her lots of icecream and chocolate, and things of the girly sort. As a thank you, and as a peace offering. It was times like these that were reminders of how lucky I was that I had such great friends.

She worked her magick, and I knew that at the point of her speaking, that Angel was going to be back, and we were going to have some serious apologies, and some not so fun conversations. This plan that Angel and I had was equipped with too many flaws. I had time to think of that while Angelus was stabbing us with his words. Us being the fact that probably by now, everyone in this damn lawfirm knew about the events that had occurred in the past few hours. And that meant....Giles.

Just as I thought about Giles, I hear the familiar cry and heavy breathing from Angel, and looked in his eyes. I saw them. I saw, him. He was back, and this nightmare was over. No matter how great the idea had sounded back when we first had started, it was wrong. We were acting selfish, and I guess it took a near death experience on Riley and that bastard Lindsey's part for me to realize it.

And what made me a worse person was the fact that I still couldn't get it out of my mind how great it actually was. Being that close to him, made it almost worth all the pain in the world. Herego, my conclusion of being selfish.

My smile had faded, even though I felt so relieved, so happy that I could see Angel. That he was alright, and that he was back. My smile had faded because of the confrontations, and explanations that were inevitable. The truth was, that I didn't have an explanation that sounded good right now, I doubted either of us did. I knew that everyone would be looking for one, when they knew in the back of their minds that we didn't have one. I mean, they had to know. But they wouldn't understand. It was just too hard to explain if they didn't feel like we did.

Angel was still cuffed, and I knew that it had worked, but I was looking for the go ahead from everyone else right now. I wasn't going to uncuff him until it was concluded by everyone. Angel was guilt ridden, just as I had expected him to be. He had drained 2 human beings, and insulted every single person in this room. Every one of them being close friends.

I couldn't stop staring at his eyes, It was like I hadn't seen him forever, that compassion that he had. But when he mentioned Lindsey's name, I felt my blood boiling. I didn't know why he was in this room, hell. I didn't even know who he was. So I stared silently, as my hand was burning with anticipation to take the key over to him. Touch him, hold him, and then fall asleep, with no worries in the world.

Fat chance.

But I anxiously held the key, still staring in his eyes, even though he was demanding explanation. I turned my eyes, as much as they didn't want to go, to Faith. She brought Lindsey in, or rather, he followed her. But wither way, she knew where he came from, and it was her turn to speak. I knew that she didn't know what would happen. It was obvious to me that Lindsey had the potential to do such a thing.

My body was tired, but my heart was pounding too fast for me to even think about calming down right now. It wasn't like we were going to be sleeping any time soon. That was a fact. We had to get explanations, we had to explain, and we had to apologize.

And I didn't know where we would go from there.

All i knew, was that I was speechless, and motionless.

((Open to Angel, Faith, Cordy, Wes, Willow.))

16 hero(es) :+: never give up

A good little war. [Thursday
June 23,2005 9:47 am

[ mood | anxious ]

A phone call to the don Amarassi, the largest drug dealer in the city, the biggest mafia face in Los Angeles, had been made and he and his men, probably not happy with me for getting my scumbag client off, were now coming to kill him.

It wouldn't be easy, and I didn't know for sure if the don knew it, but my client, who I had just got acquitted in court not two hours ago, was always surrounded by Pannagini or vampires for protection and I was hoping that they would all kill each other off and leave the demons for me and Gwen to wipe out.

Of course, the partners would know, like they knew everything that was visible, if I had killed my client myself after freeing him, and therefore, the call to the don Amarassi, not to mention that Angel probably wouldn't have bene thrilled with me for doin' this without tellin' him about it, either, but it was somethin' that my conscious had to do.

Yeah, I loved bein' knowledged on all things law, but I missed this. I missed bein' out there killin' demons, as opposed to havin' to defend scumbags and spendin' a great majority of my day behind a desk.

I loved this even more, because I was here with Gwen, and before we had gone to court, or she had gone wit me, anyway, we had made love and I wante dto show off the fightin' skills in front of her, as well.

I looked at her as some nefarous dealin's were goin' on and then three black sedans pulled up to the scene and some hollarin' started. It was on now and I inched my jag up a little further, my hand goin' to Gwen's hips, more out of anticipation for us to get ready, then as any type of sexual advance.

"The war is on, baby. I would be willin' to be that the demons walk away. If that happens, then we have a dead scumbag former client, a dead mafia don and some of his men and you and me to kill the demons. You ready?"


14 hero(es) :+: never give up

On the Prowl [Wednesday
June 22,2005 8:51 pm

[ mood | mischievous ]

I felt my body hum with delight as the cool breeze caressed my delicate skin. The sun, as always, felt so good, and its rays made my body shimmer with life and radiance that could be match by no other being other than my own beautiful sister. I covered my flesh in sheer fabrics, I could never stand anything that clung heavy on me, I was too used to my own flesh, naked, and without any constrictions. I ran my hand down the side of my arm, caressing myself as my thoughts drifted back to Wesley.

Parts of me still yearned for his touch. It yearned for him completely, wanting him still, wanting to feel him inside of me once more. It was never enough, I always wanted more, and I always wanted to feel his skin against my own, his hands coving the length of me, driving me insane with passion. His lips showering me with kisses, making me lose my sanity for many glorious moments trapped in time, forever- if it were up to me. When I thought about it more, I found those things rather amusing because I was the siren here and he was the human.

My sister was the only other being that had that same effect on me. She, the seductress, always knowing how and when to push my buttons. How to make me giggle with laughter, or how to make my skin crawl with desire. Before Wesley ever came into our lives there was only her... her voice, her touch, her lips... and everything that made my body quiver.

I thought of Wesley again and everything that he had done for us. There was no denying that he was special, my sister and I had known that the moment we laid eyes on him. He was something so different and so new, so exciting. And in his sadness we both fell in love with him.

As I sat there, looking at my sister with hungry eyes I began to think about all the men that we had lured to their deaths in our lives. Fun times we had, and it occurred to me that we hadn't been out hunting in quite a long time. Not that we needed to now since we had Wesley, but I was feeling the need, and I never ignored my impulses.

"I'm feeling a bit peckish sister. What do you think about a little snack before Wesley gets back?" I asked. I didn’t have to wait for her answer. I knew she had been thinking about the same thing I was all this time.

And with that we were out, spilling onto the streets of L.A, on the prowl, looking for auras to devour. We were about to make someone quite happy. Pity that happiness would only last mere moments for them, if even that.

[[Open to Lillian]]

never give up

Restless. [Monday
June 20,2005 12:13 am

[ mood | annoyed ]

I was strengthening.

Angelus had drained me and the idiot Lindsey who had set him free....after for some reason, even though knowing what would happen if she did it, Buffy had slept with him.

Here I was, my legs still too broken after tumbling out of that window at Wolfram and Hart New York, here in Wolfram and Hart Los Angeles' medical wing, again, to allow me to do anything, which including stopping that conniving shit Lindsey from getting up and walking out of here.

I didn't even know how he had done it. Angel...Angelus had drained both of us pretty heavily, and I didn't feel like I could go out and about, but somehow he had.....

And I couldn't stop him.

What was worse was that I couldn't do anything now that my strength was returning, because of my legs, which were healing, but not fast enough and I felt like I really had to.

I needed to be there to make sure they stopped Angelus, but I couldn't be. I needed to personally stop Lindsey, but I couldn't and I was really missing Faith, and was worried about her being around Angelus, even though Buffy was probably there.

I needed to have a talk with Buffy about all of this. Yeah, also about Faith and I exploring desire and lust and maybe, hope against hope, love, this time with her brain and body being as one, but mostly why she had made such a dangerous decision.

It wasn't like her, and it made me worry about her mindset and while I was developing something big for Faith, I still cared about Buffy.

I needed Faith to come around too, becaus she could make this restlessness go away and could smile for me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I just hoped that she, or somebody captured that son of a bitch, Lindsey and had him somewhere locked away, with iron supplements and IV's.

never give up

Sticking to the plan. [Friday
June 17,2005 10:20 pm

[ mood | determined ]

Faith had said her little sweet goodbyes to her ciplled loverboy after Angel had drained us and we had ended up in the same infirmary room.

I was feeling weak, and had the feeling that Faith was going to pummel me mercilessly for letting Angelus loose in the first place, but miraculously, she decided to leave Riley alone with me, and I didn't have anyone watching me.

I was weak, no doubt, they could infuse you with new blood but when three quarters of your blood was drained away, and new blood was put back into, that feeling of something falling asleep, like a foot, only amplified a hundred times.

As I slumbered down the hall, I know knew what it felt like, all over again to be drained by a vampire. I wasn't really curious to feel it again, but I still had a goal, and things were in chaos.

It was perfect. Even though he had drained me, the bad son of a bitch was out and I knew that the slayers might be trying something to get him back, and oddly, I didn't want that.

I could feel the senior partners' joy over this, could feel it in my bones, well, that and weakness.

I made my way down the hall, right at the point where Riley and Faith had interrupted my original plan.

Hell, maybe it was for the best?

Other then me getting drained, there was a lot of chaos around here right now, and I liked that. I liked that a lot.

I should have killed Riley, all crippled in that room, but I needed my strength for something else. I breezed into the office, feigning a feel of power as the guard came towards me, and drew hi weapon. Before he could raise it, I grabbed and and turned the gun on him. A breif struggle ensued, and he ended up with a bullet in the temple.

The security office is mine, and I still have my ceel phone to get in touch with Cordy. I just need to cean up a little bit of a mess first.

7 hero(es) :+: never give up

June 13,2005 5:52 am

[ mood | crazy ]

I left Michael with a smile and made my way alone into the building. I didn't know what I was in for, I didn't know how I was going to explain my sudden disappearance from the firm around the same time as the books, but I knew that no matter what I would make something up...and less horribly than I did when we were in high school and I couldn't lie to save my life.

I couldn't help but think about the conversation I had with Michael and the thoughts of how much I would like to get to know him better, but I knew that it isn't appropriate to like him. He is a watcher and I am working for Giles now so I can't like him, or can I? I can't think about this? Or can I?

I can't see to stop think about this as I slowly snaked my way through the building, forcing myself to make a plan, something that would keep me out of trouble and the templates in our possession. I didn't know if it were actually possible, but I knew I had to be as careful as possible.

I found my way to the lobby and no one seemed to be around, which could have been good or bad, but for now I was taking it as a good deal. I snuck around to the medical wing, but didn't see Giles, so I finally decided to bite the bullet and go find Angel or Buffy. I needed to talk to them anyway so why not do that now.

I walked back through the lobby, and made my way over to Angel's office trying to find anyone that could tell me what was going on. I finally found them and Angel was tied up, ok either I walked in to a weird bondage session with Buffy and Angel, or something has gone terribly wrong.

[[Open to Buffy, Angel, Cordy, and Wes and Faith]]

44 hero(es) :+: never give up

What I have to do. [Monday
June 13,2005 3:33 am

I was so pissed that Willow was acting this way. How could she defend that peroxided pest? You know I was the only one that saw him and Angel for what they were, dead things that didn't belong in this world. I was the only one who was able to see the truth. I don't care what they have done in the past, they are still dead things.

After drinking so much the bartender kicked me out I walked around for a while, seeing a side of LA that I didn't want to see. I saw things that reminded me of nights when we went patroling with Buffy in Sunnydale and all I could think of is how things were better then. We didn't have evil lawfirms corrupting innocent people and we didn't have our best friends losing their minds and sleeping with bleached blond wastes of space.

Once I finally sobered up I realized that I needed to get back to Giles. I knew that he wasn't able to talk sense into Willow, but atleast I was on his side and I knew that if anyone could help with bringing down the evil lawyers I could. I knew what I needed to do, and that was get back to the evil lawfirm and get Giles out of there.

[[open to Giles, Michael, and Jackie]]
34 hero(es) :+: never give up

Aggravating [Saturday
June 11,2005 2:46 am

[ mood | aggravated ]

How dare he lay a finger on me! How dare he try to make me look less than what I was! I could feel the fury of being thrown across the room as if I were some rotted corpse begin to build up inside of me, growing like the bacteria that multiplied itself on this earth. I began to feel my cool body begin to warm as my anger spread through me like wild fire.

It was obvious that the imbecile primitive, a pale imitation of Wesley, would help us in anyway, or divulge any such information that would pertain to either Wesley or this place. It was simply useless to continue these irrelevancies with him. There were more pressing matters that require immediate attendance at the moment, and this time, the outcome would be final.

I shot a glance at the half-breed, the clown, and sneered as I got back on my feet. He would pay dearly for such insolence; these moments would surely be the last he would ever get to see. He hadn't tasted my true fury, the true power of Illyria.

But I would break him, and make him bow down before me like the lower being that he was, or annul his existence for his offence. I wasn't quite sure why his insults affected me so. For the most part, I found insults from such creatures to be meaningless, and irrelevant. But somehow, his words seemed to irritate me beyond all belief. He was stubborn and reckless, and he used many words that were incomprehensible to me. He did not accept the limits of his power. He adapted.

Without hesitation I reached for him, and took him by the throat, lifting him up just inches from the ground, "I will show you were your place lies half-breed!"

He punched me in the face, making me lose my grip on him. I finally let go and tossed him towards the human that told us lies, nearly missing him as he fell onto the ground.

After a second or so I regained my composure and tilted my head to one side and then the other. The half-breed already getting to his own feet. There was a flash of anger on his face and it made me smirk.

"Are you ready to suffer half-breed?"

[[Open to Spike]]

23 hero(es) :+: never give up

Natural Born. [Tuesday
June 7,2005 11:12 pm

[ mood | gloomy ]

We thought everything was going to be alright, but it wasn't. It was like a hell that was worse than hell, or at least it seemed to be. Angel and I had the most perfect time together, and I couldn't put together the reasoning behind why something so perfect could turn out to be such a disaster. What made me a worse person was that I think if given the chance, I would do it again. In a heartbeat. Angel, after he was cured again though...I didn't know if he'd still have those feelings, and God, I couldn't believe that I was thinking this again. Not the best timing in the world.

Things weren't supposed to be this way. Not at all, they were supposed to be perfect, and even though the Angelus part was inevitable, it was supposed to be controlled and a secret. It wasn't supposed to involve Faith, and Riley. Especially not Lindsey, whoever he was. They weren't supposed to carry this burden, it was Angel and I, and I'd disclose it to Willow, because she was the only one I knew that carried the power and ability to re ensoul him. Other than Wes, and Giles of course. If Giles were to find out about this, I didn't think it'd be possible that things would get worse. I didn't want to hear it from him. I didn't want to stand there and listen to him tell me what I already knew. More like, yell and scream.

So I got that this was wrong, I knew that it was wrong to begin with. I knew that the chances we took was greater than most chances that people take in their lifetime...but as much as I knew that it was wrong, I loved doing it. Angel and I deserved this, and since I was in highschool I had changed, and most, right now would probably say that it wasn't for the better. There was a big difference from the last time Angel and I had made love. For one, we both knew what was going to happen, but more importantly, this meant so much more. It was a symbolization that we were willing to move mountains for love rather than run away from it. And no matter how much we knew that this was wrong, and no matter how much anger we would receive, not to mention guilt, no one had the ability to take that away from us.

My thoughts were all over the place. I wasn’t exactly crying anymore, it was more like shock to me. I didn’t know what I was going to do, besides just stand over Angel making sure that he didn’t get up. I couldn’t feel the pain anymore from the fight that we all had just had, even though it was horrible. I should have been able to take him down in minutes. Instead, I was pretty much thrown around. Thank God Faith was there to help. But then again, if it weren’t for them bringing in Lindsey, none of it would have happened, and it was possible that Angel would have his soul back by now. God, listen to me. I was blaming them. It wasn’t at all their faults.

I needed to get a hold of Willow, but my mind was telling me that I shouldn’t take my eyes off of Angel. It was telling me to stare at him, ice glare, and the slightest movement he made to knock him out again. It was telling me that I was stupid for even thinking that we could get away with happiness. This room was silent, and it was killing me. Silence enabled me to think clearly, and that was definitely not what I wanted to do, because I wasn’t liking what my mind was telling me. I had to plan.

One thing wasn’t different that I noticed from the last time that I saw Angelus. It was the fact that my first instinct was to run to Angel right now, even if he was the center of the problem. God, I just wanted him back. I wanted this over with, and I wanted to make sure that everything was going to be fine. Because right now? Things weren’t. Things were far from it. And it was scaring me.

((Open to Angelus, and later Cordy and Wes.))

17 hero(es) :+: never give up

June 7,2005 9:26 pm

The tour.
never give up

I'll rip out his fangs and make sure he can never bite someone again! [Monday
June 6,2005 11:11 pm

[ mood | angry ]

I slamned the door shut behind me, leaving B' and Angel to sort out there anger management issues. I pressed the elevator door button frantically and then jumped in, pressing the button that was blue. It was pretty good to have colorized buttons for certain things.

"Just hold on Riley, we'll get you some help. Come on, I know you can make it." I said as the elevator stopped and before the doors could fully open, I was already out.

"HELP! HELP!" I yelled as I rushed into medical and slowly put Riley down onto a bed, then turned and practically threw Lindsey onto another.

"These men have been bitten by a vampire, which you can probably tell. HELP THEM!" I yelled as I grabbed one of the nurses, maybe even a doctor, and threw him at Riley. He did exactly what I had already done and then yelled some color and everyone began to rush.

"Ms? Can you please stand over there!"

I scowled at the nurse, but quickly moved out of the way so they could do their work. I watched as they all worked on both of them at the same time.


I sighed in relief that they were speaking about Riley. Linds' on the other hand, was hopefully going to die. I was tempted to walk over and help him die. But after a few seconds, they got him stable as well.

"I want someone to watch both these men all the time. Do not let either of them leave, especially the one over there." I said as I walked up to Riley and caressed his face. "It's ok baby, I'm here. He won't get away with this, I promise." I looked over to Lindsey and then looked to a whole bunch of medical supplies. I could easily just throw something sharp at his throat and he'd die instantly.

"He won't." I said again as I knelt down and kissed him on the lips. I stood up and grabbed a nearby chair, sliding it next to Riley and sitting down. "I'm only going to stay for a bit Riley, then I'll leave and handle-" I paused and smiled at them all, who seemed eager to know what happened. "I'll hand it." I put my hand on top of his and felt like I was going to cry. Angel pushed me and he did a damn good job in doing it. He knew that attacking Riley would hurt me, so he did it. Well, this girl has had enough torment for a long time!

{{Open to Riley and Lindsey when they want to wake up from their slumber!}}

8 hero(es) :+: never give up

I swear, I need to hose those two down! [Thursday
June 2,2005 5:14 pm

[ mood | anxious ]

"You know what, baby, I think that I might just have the ability to do that."

I nodded to him and turned back to Lins' just smiling and shaking my head.

"It wasn't hard to hear about. I still have friends around here, Faith, and when that happened, they were all talking about it. A god from the deeper well infecting Fred Burkle. That could be heard, everywhere."


"He's in the building, baby, and we might want to get up there. Like now."

"What?" I said as I turned a bit and gave him a confused look.

"He and Buffy are up in the penthouse, well, let's just say, they aren't talking..."

I rolled my eyes and glanced back to Linsdey, who commented about meeting Angelus. What the hell does he know about him?

"And you've met him personally?" I muttered as I walked up to him and grabbed him by the collar. "Let's get up up there stat!" I dragged Linsdey in the direction but stopped when I reached the end of the hall. I turned and looked at Riley who almost looked like a lost puppy. I forgot.

"Are you able to roll yourself around? I don't want you to hurt himself." I watched him smile and roll towards me. "Wow." I said with a grin as we made our way towards the elevator.

"Here we go." I said as I pressed the up button and we stepped onto the elevator, right when the doors opened. I slamned Linsdey into a corner and gave him a nice stare down. Any wrong moves and he'll regret it. Really regret it.

"Push the button and let's get up there hun."

{{Open to Lindsey, Riley and soon to be Buffy and Angel!}}

25 hero(es) :+: never give up

Getting the call. [Thursday
June 2,2005 8:39 am

[ mood | restless ]

Willow and I had just finished eating and now, it was time to get moving with whatever information that we could get from the templates.

The last time, when we had pulled up information, whispering into the sacred and evil books, the name, Wolfram and Hart and a history so long and full of evil popped up and we had tried to scan it onto disk, to save it so that we could eventually return the templates, it hadn't let us and the pages had gone blank.

I didn't think that we would get anywhere with anything that we tried at this point, at least anything that the senior partners didn't want us to see, anyway, but it was worth a shot.

I found myself very attracted to Willow, although I was far too intelligent, at this juncture to mix pleasure with the business that we had here, especially since I was worried about Jackie, as I always was, in some form or another when she was slaying or working on an endeavor like she was now, which was watching over Giles back at the home of evil.

Still it was there, and I couldn't be complimentary enough of her about how she handled herself and about what a sweet person that she seemed to be. I looked at her, wondering where we were going to start, searching my mind for something to bring up for the templates to show us.

"Why don't we try with a complete history of William the bloody?" I asked, and just as I finished the statement, my phone rang and very few people that weren't currently in England or abroad, taking care of their slayer duties had this number.

In fact, only two people had this number, Giles and Jackie. I rushed over and picked my phone out of my jacket pocket to see Jacckie's number appearing on the screen. "Hello," I said, hurriedly, worried and she was brief, telling me that I needed to get down to the firm, as Spike, William the Bloody himself was asking about the templates and about where Willow was and that basically Giles was being interrogated.

She told me that she had to go and look busy while keeping an eye on things in his room, and I clicked the phone off, trying not to appear startled, but knowing that time could be of the essence.

"We have to get back to Wolfram and Hart at once, Willow."


17 hero(es) :+: never give up

From great sex to treachery. [Sunday
May 29,2005 7:26 pm

[ mood | contemplative ]

I looked around and found that my jeep was nowhere to be found. It didn't take me a lot of deducing to figure out what has happened to it.

Cordy and Lindsey, who had done things on the beach together, that I really wished that I wouldn't have seen, had taken it, but to where, exactly, was anyone's guess?

I reached into my pocket, pulled out my cell phone, thoroughy ravished, and dialed a local cab and told them that the journey would be to downtown Los Angeles. When they gave me grief, I simply offered them one-hundred dollars on top of the fare, and they said that someone would be out directly.

I clicked off the phone thinking, greedy fools, but I didn't think about it too much.

Instead, I found myself thinking about what Cordy and Lindsey were up to. The fact that they had had sex was disturbing to me. Not for Cordy to do it. She was a stunning young girl, far too deprived of the beautiful act and for her to let loose, was very much something that I agreed with, but her choice of companions this time, I felt was awful and what would be worse, is if they were planning on continuing it.

Lindsey wasn't trustworthy and while he was on our team, so to speak, I was still wary of him and didn't need him to bring Cordy down with lust, with him. Adding to the disturbing nature of it all, was where they might have gone. I certainly hopd that they didn't go where I think that they might have gone.

She could go there, but him, not a good idea. The cab pulled up, rather quickly, I estimated. Amazing what they would do for another one-hundred dollars.

I got in and looked back at Essy and Lillian, silken and still on the deck with a smile before I got in and gave the driver directions.

Seeing them, momentarily, took the worry about Lindsey and Cordy out of my mind, and as the drive to Los Angeles became shorter and shorter, thoughts of my silken beauties filled my head. The sex was so incredible with them, always, that it was indescribable. No human woman could hope to match a siren, let alone two of them.

I could still feel their silken, feminine and yet commanding bodies on mine, and their smell, unmistakable. I knew that Angel might smell it, but I was going to my office, talk to Cordy and look busy.

The driver pulled into the parking garage and I was amazed that it took less then thrity minutes.

I got out of the care and gave him exactly one-hundred and fifty dollars and didn't say a word to him.

I then walked over to the elevator and took it up to the eighteenth floor, and headed towards my office. When I got there, I saw Cordy waiting.

"Good afternoon, Cordelia. Have fun on the beach with Lindsey? LINDSEY OF ALL PEOPLE?"


25 hero(es) :+: never give up

My name is Bond... James Bond [Friday
May 27,2005 12:01 am

[ mood | curious ]

I had been way from L.A for quite sometime. Too long maybe. After L.I.S.A. Although, if it hadn’t been for that, I would have left ever since that holly-roller revelations party, all complements of the big bad that wanted to turn Los Angeles into its own Inferno Land. It was not my style to walk away from a job, especially one so lucrative as the one I was offered, but as I told Mr. Ashet before he was turned into a life saver with a big hole in the middle of his chest, I wasn’t gonna stick around hell city and see if I could last the night. Well, I had meant to tell him that, but never got the chance to do it. As much as I wanted to take the job, I just couldn’t, the money was good, always was- but it simply wasn’t good enough to get myself killed over a few extra zero’s. Obviously the goods were of great importance to Mr. Ashet, these things always were, but the guy was no regular Joe and the big bad beastie just punched right through him, almost snapping him in half like if he was some weak nobody. He had been one of my most important clients here in Los Angeles, and all of this was before I even knew he was one of the Ra-tet. Well, needless to say, the whole kill your boss in one punch show sorta freaked me out more than just a little- aside from everything else happening in the city. It’s not every day that Los Angeles turns into a demon infested Bethlehem, with the eternal darkness and the whole rain of fire bit.

Tahiti was a nice change of pace and scenery. Not a bad way to cope with everything that had happened just a few weeks before. Never had a vacation before. And just the fact that I could actually be almost normal for more than just a few seconds was, rather appealing. And I guess Tahiti was just as good a place as any to be normal. But as everything else in life, it didn’t last too long. While in Tahiti I got word from one of my contacts that very special thingamabob I had been looking for had been found. As it turned out it was in L.A... Couldn’t turn my back on that one so I flew back to the west coast. Big time personal gain, no amount of money in the world was gonna keep me away from that mission. Besides, trying to steal the impossible for your personal-- person was always a lot of fun. And there was no one better for the job that I could think of, other than Charles Gunn. Maybe I had a thing for him from the beginning, maybe it was those big brown eyes or maybe it was just the fact that I had killed the man once. Whatever the reasons were, I couldn’t deny that the guy was suave and could handle himself in any tight spot even before the nifty upgrades. Well that and the fact that the scanners at that party were there not only to make sure that the guests carried no weapons, but also to make sure that they carried a pulse.

But it was fun working with him. Watching him keep his cool even when he found out that I had set him up to take the fall. He made quite an impression on me. Heck, if it hadn’t been for my sweet sugga daddy I wouldn’t have L.I.S.A now. So I guess I owed him a lot. Don’t think anyone else would have pulled the same job quite like him. Besides, the after party was... quite amazing. Didn’t know that there was going to be dessert afterwards.

Before I knew it I was back in Europe pulling jobs here and there. Money was good as usual, and every now and then I would get and every now and then I got offers to come steal some doodad here in L.A but I always turned them down or gave them the run around. Took me a while before I could get comfortable enough to get back to the states. Didn’t know why I was avoidy, but I was all over the place, skillfully skipping California at every turn, but then when I heard that superhero vamp and crew were manning the infamous Wolfram and Hart law firm, I had to come down and see it for myself.

Didn’t know how much I had missed Los Angeles until the plane landed in LAX. It became even more real as I made my way downtown. And then there it was, staring back at me. Evil law firm? Well, yeah, anyone around the world could tell you that. But, that didn’t mean that every single person, demon or vampire was. Yeah, okay, the BIG bosses were evil, but who wasn’t these days? Besides, for me, life wasn’t always black and white. It was all about the gray. And as for me, I went where the money was. Not that I needed it, but doing what I did made me a part of something most of the time and not just a freak. But I guess, as luck would have it, I get to keep my job, in a sense, and be one of the “good guys”. Although, working for Wolfram and Hart, it was going to be tough explaining the good on that tone.


Seeing tall dark and handsome do his thing in that court room almost gave me chills. It was like he was the same guy I knew a year ago, but then again he wasn’t. But I guess stranger things had happened, and this was L.A. Home sweet home.

He pulled over as his client walked into the club. We had been following them since we got out of the court house. I was itching to get my hands down and dirty, it had been at least a month since I had seen any real action, but I knew Charles wanted to play this one safe. As he said, we weren’t handling the dirty work on this one. Someone else was going to do that for us. I guess that was cool, but I only hoped that not all jobs were as boring as this one, because as much as I liked Charles, and I was thankful to be working a long side him, if things didn’t pick up, I was definitely taking up a part-time job in thieving industry wheatear he liked it or not.

“So... are we going in after them or what? I promise I’ll be good. Unless, of course, you say otherwise.”

[[Open to Gunn]]

14 hero(es) :+: never give up

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