Buffy Anne Summers (angelbuffy) wrote in not_fadeaway,
Buffy Anne Summers

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Natural Born.

We thought everything was going to be alright, but it wasn't. It was like a hell that was worse than hell, or at least it seemed to be. Angel and I had the most perfect time together, and I couldn't put together the reasoning behind why something so perfect could turn out to be such a disaster. What made me a worse person was that I think if given the chance, I would do it again. In a heartbeat. Angel, after he was cured again though...I didn't know if he'd still have those feelings, and God, I couldn't believe that I was thinking this again. Not the best timing in the world.

Things weren't supposed to be this way. Not at all, they were supposed to be perfect, and even though the Angelus part was inevitable, it was supposed to be controlled and a secret. It wasn't supposed to involve Faith, and Riley. Especially not Lindsey, whoever he was. They weren't supposed to carry this burden, it was Angel and I, and I'd disclose it to Willow, because she was the only one I knew that carried the power and ability to re ensoul him. Other than Wes, and Giles of course. If Giles were to find out about this, I didn't think it'd be possible that things would get worse. I didn't want to hear it from him. I didn't want to stand there and listen to him tell me what I already knew. More like, yell and scream.

So I got that this was wrong, I knew that it was wrong to begin with. I knew that the chances we took was greater than most chances that people take in their lifetime...but as much as I knew that it was wrong, I loved doing it. Angel and I deserved this, and since I was in highschool I had changed, and most, right now would probably say that it wasn't for the better. There was a big difference from the last time Angel and I had made love. For one, we both knew what was going to happen, but more importantly, this meant so much more. It was a symbolization that we were willing to move mountains for love rather than run away from it. And no matter how much we knew that this was wrong, and no matter how much anger we would receive, not to mention guilt, no one had the ability to take that away from us.

My thoughts were all over the place. I wasn’t exactly crying anymore, it was more like shock to me. I didn’t know what I was going to do, besides just stand over Angel making sure that he didn’t get up. I couldn’t feel the pain anymore from the fight that we all had just had, even though it was horrible. I should have been able to take him down in minutes. Instead, I was pretty much thrown around. Thank God Faith was there to help. But then again, if it weren’t for them bringing in Lindsey, none of it would have happened, and it was possible that Angel would have his soul back by now. God, listen to me. I was blaming them. It wasn’t at all their faults.

I needed to get a hold of Willow, but my mind was telling me that I shouldn’t take my eyes off of Angel. It was telling me to stare at him, ice glare, and the slightest movement he made to knock him out again. It was telling me that I was stupid for even thinking that we could get away with happiness. This room was silent, and it was killing me. Silence enabled me to think clearly, and that was definitely not what I wanted to do, because I wasn’t liking what my mind was telling me. I had to plan.

One thing wasn’t different that I noticed from the last time that I saw Angelus. It was the fact that my first instinct was to run to Angel right now, even if he was the center of the problem. God, I just wanted him back. I wanted this over with, and I wanted to make sure that everything was going to be fine. Because right now? Things weren’t. Things were far from it. And it was scaring me.

((Open to Angelus, and later Cordy and Wes.))
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Groggy, I turned my head from one side to the other bfore oprning my eyes and DAMNIT! I was tied up again.

I had taken a shot to the head and could feel a slight case of the foggies, but I knew really well that I had the blood of both Finn and Lindsey in me and for humans, it was quite powerful.

Not Buffy powerful, but, strong enough to make me believe that I could break the cuffs.

I didn't open my eyes immediately, though, and acted the part. I could smell Buffy and the sex that we had had earlier, and it was powerful.

God, I wanted to rip her throat out. My sappy other half always had to love her, always had to try to be human around her.

Finally and with a big smile, I opened my eyes. "Sorry, Buffy. You know, I really didn't mean to kill Finn, but I did you a favor in getting rid of Lindsey."

I smiled from ear to ear knowing how much that killing Finn had to make her want to kill my other, pussy half.

Man, did I want a cigarette and YAO! I was getting out of here soon.
I saw him wake up, and I felt my body tense as if I had seen twenty vampires, and was ready to fight them all. My eyes hadn't moved from him at all, and they were staring at him. My mind was trying to figure out how this was the man that I loved. It wasn't making sense at all.

Inside my stomach, it felt like ice was melting, and turning. Hearing him say that he killed Riley, and Lindsey. I hoped to God that I was right in thinking that they were alive. I wasn't about to accept the fact that the man that I loved had killed my ex. Drained him. Even though Angelus wasn't who I loved, and Angel was a completely different person, it was still an inevitable part. I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't going to let him have the satisfaction of thinking he killed someone.

"You didn't kill them. In fact, they're both awake."

I didn't know if that was true, and I didn't know how bad it was. It was stimulating to the mind to think positively. It probably didn't help my argument that I was pacing back and forth with my arms crossed, and not letting him out of my sight, but I needed to think more.

Willow, I had to get a hold of Willow and I had to do it fast. I had to make sure that Riley was alright, and I had to do all of this secretly. It was just too hard to believe that just a little while ago, Angel and I were in perfect tranquility.
She mentioned that they were both alive and I watched her body language as she paced, her fingers as they fidgeted, her face as it did that little thing when she was being untruthful.

I had started to frown a touch when she had said that they were awake, but only for the most fleetin of seconds when the words had been made audible, because body language, it never lied.

Unlike Buffy.

"Come on, Buffy. You know that you can't lie to me. I have enough blood in me to raise cain right now..."

I jerked on the cuffs and felt the bed move as I lunged towards her and watched her whole body tense up, which made my whole body gleem with an excitement showed only on my face.

"I know how to kill someone, Buffy. I definitely got enough of Finn's blood. Lindsey might have lucked out, but Finn, definitely in a different place now, where he should have gone when he supermanned out of that window."

I saw the fear on her face, and I wasn't bein honest, but hey, I was so much better at it then she was and makin her worry about Finn was priceless.

I knew that I had been too rushed to get enough of either one of their respective bloodflows into me to kill them, but she definitely didn't have to know that.
He jerked on the cuffs, and it made everything inside of me jump and tense up even more than it already was. Then when he said that he had drained Riley enough to kill him, I wasn't able to argue with him. I was the slayer, yes, and I'd seen a lot of people drained.

I didn't see Riley get drained, it all happened too fast, and I was blocking out those few seconds anyway. All I saw was his limp body..no, not body, body was the term for death, right? Riley motionless, I saw Riley motionless, but I wasn't able to react. I was fighting Angel, and then I had to check on Lindsey. Faith said he was breathing, but seeing her face full of fear wasn't what I wanted to see. I wanted to see relief.

I looked toward the door, then back at Angel. I wasn't showing my fear, or the half of it, really. I glared at him, and all he was doing about it was smiling. He was mocking me, loving it that he was able to get under my skin like this.

It was my responsibility to watch after Angel after all of this happened, but I was thinking that maybe staying here in this room alone with him wasn't the best idea. Especially since it was getting to me the way it was. I told myself before any of this, before Angel and I made this decision that I wasn't going to let this get to me, and it was. All of it, and I couldn't stop the way I was feeling.

I needed help right now, and was seriously contemplating contacting Giles right now, because he was the only one that was lingering in my mind to help me. I couldn't get a hold of Willow, because I didn't know her cellphone number. We'd been away from eachother for so long, that I didn't know. Her and Xander both. Giles, he was the one that I knew i would be hearing from, but he was the one that I could run to when Angel wasn't here, and Angel wasn't.

But could I trust Giles not to kill Angel? Could I trust Giles?

"Shut up," I muttered under my breath. I swear to God, 3 more words, and I was knocking him out again.
"Come on, Buffy, you know that there is only one way that you can shut me up...."

I really wasn't in any position to pose challenges to her, but I remembered when I was the sappy half and we were fighting in that tunnel.

She had been too busy in Rome, bumping nasties with the Immortal and not busy enough fighting the likes of my kind and I knew that she couldn't take me. I knew it, and goading her was the way to go.

I smiled, watching as she looked towards the door.

"Come on, Buffy, you know you are rusty. You know you ca't take me. Faith isn't here right now. Why don't you prove to me that you aren't rusty? Come on, lover."

I smiled at her, motioning her towards me. "The key is on the floor right where Lindsey dropped in when I killed him too. You know that you want to."

I was so much stronger and better than this. All I had to do was block him out, and not listen to a single word that he was saying. Easy, right?


It was all Angel's voice, but the vulgerness and the sadistic tone that he had wasn't him. It was impossible not to listen to him. When he started to talk again, I walked over to him, just like he wanted me to, but I didn't pick up the key. I gave him a left, then a right hook.

I looked over the bed, and sure enough there was the key. I picked it up, and put it in my pocket. I almost threw it out the window, but I thought better of it.

"How stupid do you honestly think I am? I'll prove to you that I'm not rusty when you get your soul back. When. You know what I think? I'm your last resort. You know you aren't getting out of those cuffs again. You got a lucky break, and you ruined your chance. If there ever was one."

No, that didn't make me feel any better. I was stooping to his level. I could deny forever that he was getting to me, but he was...and he knew it. There wasn't any hiding that.
"Yao! Come out swinging, lover. I like that."

But, it was clear to me what was going on and I couldn't allow the smile to leave my face, nor could I enable her to miss it.

She might have been right and I was sure that Willow was on her way here now to bring the sap back, but as long as she was dumb enough to stay in the room and not ignore me, then I wasn't going to let any opportunity pass.

"Come on, Buffy. You are the slayer. You kill vampires for a living. The only reason that you won't uncuff me is becasue you don't want to kill the man that you love. Or is it the other way, Buffy? Do you know deep down that I would have you by the neck in minutes and that is why you ar afraid of me, you are afraid to unlock me?"

I could feel it. I was going to get to her.

"The slayer with no spine. I just killed your ex-lover in front of you and yet ou still won't fight me, or kill me. Buffy, you are weak."
I needed to get out of this room. I needed to get the hell away from Angel. There was no way in hell that I was going to allow him to get out of those cuffs again, but it was still the fact that he was tempting me.

I didn't want to think about it, but as life goes, when he mentioned it, my mind flashedback to fighting him all those years ago. It was close, and I had won. Did I have the strength to do that again, if it went that far? it wasn't a matter of skill, but it was a matter of head strength. And that was what I lacked in, and it was probably what would make me lose to him. Because my love for him was so strong..he was right, I wouldn't be able to do it.

This time I didn't answer him, I was contemplating what he was saying. I wasn't looking at him anymore. I was watching the door. I didn't want to bear anymore embarrassment if anyone else walked in, but I sure as hell knew that I would rather have someone else in here. Someone that I could trust while I went out searching for Willow. Right now, the only person that I could trust was Faith, and she was busy trying to fix the other problem that Angel and I created.

That key in my pocket felt lie it was burning a hole.
She wasn't even giving me the dinification of a response now.

"Playing the ignore me card isn't going to change anything, BUFFY. It isn't going to change that you were weak, my sap side was stupid and you unleashed me and it isn't going to change the fact that you won't untie me because you are afraid to. I guarantee you that Faith will come up here and unlock the cuffs when she comes up here to tell you that Finn is dead....such a pity, I robbed that love away from her, that love that used to be yours. Really a terrible shame, but she'll uncuff me, because she has stones and Buffy, you have more rust then a fifty year old volkswagen."

I laughed at my use of imagery but of course, I was only doing it to taunt her. It had to work at some point. I knew there was only so much shit that she could take, and I would break her before she walked out of her or before somebody else decided to grace us with their presence.

I just knew it. I started to whistle. The come hither, you are beautiful whistle to start and then I proceeded to just being annoying. Anything, anything to get a rise out of her, to get her to unlock the cuffs.
The son of a Bitch wasn't letting up, and it was driving me insane. I didn't want to hurt Angel any more, but if he said two words about us making love, then I would.

I couldn't believe how tempted I was to unlock his cuffs. I was never like this. I was so much stronger and better than this. I hated him talking to me about how rusty and weak I was. I wanted to go schoolyard on him, and argue back. More importantly, I wanted to hit something. By now, I didn't know what Angel was saying, if it was what he was really thinking or just trying to get under my skin. Deep down, I knew that it was the second one. But a part of me couldn't help the fact that I was wondering what Angel really thought about.

This was becoming such a nightmare, and I didn't know how much more of it I could take before I really did go insane. I felt like I was back at discordia, a scared little girl. I couldn't even put time in order right now. How long ago was it that Angel and I first decided to do this?

Maybe we should have gone shopping instead. Because GOD, I needed out of here. I needed to get away from him. Crawl under a rather large rock and cry.

Especially when he started whistling. GOD, the whistling.

I didn't even realize that all this time I was squeezing my arm, not until it started hurting. After glaring at Angel, I looked toward the door.

God Faith, please come in here and tell me that Riley's alright.

"You're not getting out."

I was getting a headache and every goddamned muscle in my body was now aching from being so tense and not even realizing it.
I stopped whistling and started laughing.

"Baby, I am ALREADY out! You freed me and your only hope is Willow and just might where she be? Maybe she is out fucking Spike right now? Who knows? Maybe if Spike is able to keep it up for long enough, he might actually get her pregnant. You do know how he likes to steal all of my traits..!"

I started laughing as she pulled focus on me again, beautiful anger in her eyes and I knew that I had to keep pushing her, because eventually her slayer strength would force her to untie me and get beaten down, permanently, and drained.

She just had to do it fast, before Faith or somebody else showed up.

"You know, Buffy, ask Willow to come. She hates you so much right now that she probably wouldn't even do it. Your right crosses can really sting a human...."

I emphasized the word human.

"And Spike. Hell, he'll find out about you and I screwing like mynx and he'll force Willow to stay away."

God, I loved this. I would love it more if she would actually grow a pair and untie me.
I think since the last time I'd seen Angelus, he had gotten worse. Or maybe it was because I had never been stuck in a room with him. His words were like a thousand tiny thorns. It hurt, but it made me even more angry.

I KNEW that this wasn't Angel. I wanted to kill him, take him out of this world, but I also knew that if I did that then Angel was gone. And that was something that I was never going to accept.

Angelus was smart, and sadistic, and once again, he was able to fins something to hurt me with. Willow, he was probably right about her. Thinking about hitting her, just brought me back to that moment when I was crazed. I had actually hit my best friend.

That wasn't going to stop Willow from performing the spell though. Regardless of her hatred for me right now, which was probably true, I knew that Angel was a good frined of hers. But as far as Spike was concerned, I was hoping that he never found out about this.

I wasn't sure how he was going to react. I didn't want to find out. IT was getting harder to control my strength here. I had to keep in mind the other people around me. I had to keep in mind, that angel was still in there.

I had to get Angel back, because I couldn't stress enough how much this was scaring me. Not Angelus, I wasn't afraid of him. I was afraid of myself. Especially because when he said Spike's name, I walked over to him, so close.

I stopped my self, and turned back around. I couldn't think right now, I couldn't get a hold of Willow, and I was stuck in a room with the one person that could destroy me.
So, I thought, William the bloody is the key here. Go figure.

I mention his name and she walks up to me like she was going to hit me or worse, stake me.

"Stake a vampire while he's tied up. That is low, even for someone so weak as you, LOVER."

She wasn't weak and she wouldn't stake me...ever because of theother sap that I became when I had a soul, and of course, I knew that, or did I?

She had sent me to hell before, but thatwas to save the world from Alcathla's torment.

Good times. Too bad that didn't suceed.

Spike. Always Spike. "Why did it bother you that I mentioned Spike, lover? Is it because you are still angry with him for giving Willow thousand orgasms or is it depressing to know that the only man thatcan outdo him in bed turns into me when you have sex with him?"

I was so evil, wretched right now. Hell, I would leave the room right now if I were her.

I only hoped that she didn't.
I started walking away, before I looked up to the ceiling and laughed. I laughed. I guess it was out of frustration, and anger. But I did.

I almost walked out that door, and stood outside, but I doubted that it would stop him anyway. I couldn't leave the room. I didn't care if he was tied up well. Not taking any risks. Not anymore.

But I turned around, and looked at him walking closer, still staring at him. I WAS getting Angel back. and he wasn't getting out of the handcuffs.

"So this is your big plan, Angel? Get me angry enough to uncuff you. Clever. But real low. I'm smarter than that, and you know it. If Willow won't do the spell, we'll get a hold of Wes. Either way, you'll be gone in an hour or less. So go ahead and have your fun now. Tied up, like an animal."

Okay, so that didn't make me feel any better. But he didn't have to know about that.
I wasn't going to brood, and it was apparent that she wasn't giving in to me.

She was unaffected by me at this point, and that was fine.

I had my chance and couldn't get away, but there were always chances. The key being in her pocket wasn't a good thing, but there was always th chance.

I didn't know if Willow was going to come by, and that was a problem because she had done the stupid spell so many times that it would probably be a blink of an eye for her.

And to think, I had thought I had destroyed all possibility of that happening when I killed Giles' little Romanian skank.

I wrestled with the cuff's, jerking on the bed, drawing her attention, but I didn't say anything.

I was sunk, unless something could go my way.


12 years ago


12 years ago