Angel (mr_angel) wrote in not_fadeaway,

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Two wrongs don't make it all alright

It had happened again. I'd told myself that I would be more careful after last year. It had been under controlled circumstances, but still things happened. This time? I might've not killed anyone, but from the way everyone looked at me and the fact that I hadn't seen Buffy in over a day wasn't my idea of a 'good plan'. That night.. we'd both wanted each other so badly. Neither of us caring what the consequences were. Simply taking Willow's ability to push my soul back inside of me for granted. But there was one problem. I wished that I could say that if we were to relive the situation over again that I'd think with my head. That I'd know the consequences would be painful and wouldn't turn out for the best. Every time that Angelus has been unleashed? Nothing good has come of it. If I were to relive the situation though? I think I knew that I wouldn't do a single thing different.

Now that it was all over and done with I wasn't sure where to place myself. I hadn't been able to find Buffy anywhere and I was starting to worry. I couldn't imagine that she'd skip town, but a big part of me wouldn't blame her. Though I was pretty sure she hadn't. I'd know.

Things were going to be different. That was a fact was certain. It never really was though whenever I let the beast come out to play, was it? Not back in Sunnydale, not last year when we thought we were doing the right thing, and not now. My relationship with Buffy that had been so solid, or at least as solid as we could be, was more than a little shaky right now. Not seeing her and not being able to talk to her about all that happened worried me. I needed to know what she felt about the situation and most importantly what she saw in the future. If I had to.. no, I'm not sure if I could leave or watch her leave again. Besides, look where the two of us ended up anyway? Right back where we started.

I sat in my office now after coming down from the penthouse with Wes, Cordy, Faith, and Riley. I felt as if all of them were disappointed in me as they probably should be. I knew full well the consequences of my actions as proved by the handcuffs I was found wearing just after. Riley looked at me in disgust but then again that was nothing new. Faith seemed angry. Wes and Cordy? Well, they'd seen my darker side before and I knew they'd be both feeling both the anger and disgust.

The talk and questions were coming. I knew that the moment my soul was restored. From the looks I was getting I almost felt the need to excuse myself and wait to do this later, but really? I just wanted to get through it now and find some possible way to apologize and work on smoothing things out with everyone including Buffy. Might as well start here.

[Open to Wes, Cordy, Faith, Riley?]
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